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Profile for Torchkas
Name:  Torchkas
Title:  Can't get a grip.
Forum posts:  2564 (1.21 per day) (View)
Forum threads:  49 (52.33 posts per thread)
Since:  2011-03-29 05:51:18 PM (registered for 5 years, 9 months and 27 days)
Last post:  2017-01-23 05:11:52 PM, in The General Politics Thread (General Discussion)
Last activity:  2017-01-23 07:13:10 PM (2 hours, 44 minutes and 41 seconds ago)
Files:  View
Submissions:  26 (View)
Location: Netherlands
Local time:  2017-01-23 09:57:51 PM (0 hours from the server)
User Bio
Hello, my name is Torchkas (Amber).



I'm open to questions, so if you have any, just PM me.

It was not long ago my life was in shambles. It was not long ago when I had to cry myself to sleep each and every night. It was not long ago when my jimmies were... dare I say it... rustled. My life had entered a period of great despair. But it all changed, one blissful night.

I had elongated my body in my bed one night with great sadness. Another day had been wasted. I closed my eyes, and upon doing so a voice rang unto my ears:

"There is no need to be upset" - the voice, smooth and calm, sounded almost mythical. Almost enchanted.
I felt the sudden impulse... the sudden urge to-... cry. I shed a tear down my right cheek.

"Shhh. No tears. Only dreams now". I opened my eyes and before me I saw the greatest sight I had ever experienced. A humble, friendly, and enlightened gorilla faced me.

"Unrustle your jimmies", it said. It flew out of the window, into the brisk October sky. I chased to the window, breathless, and stared out into the night. That is when I saw it: the flying lawnmower. I rested my gaze unto the flying lawnmower for what seemed like days, no, weeks. With the blink of an eye, the morning came.

The sounds of the Great Gorilla rang into my ears once more: "only dreams now" and "unrustle your jimmies".

It was at that moment, I knew. I knew my great despair was over. I knew my new life had just begun.

And that is how my life changed. Forever.

Hey guys, I’m the person who originally recorded the video of “Carl”. I have to say, I didn’t expect it to blow up like this. And now that it did, I feel a bit bad about it. let me explain...

Firstly, let me start by saying that when I uploaded the video, I knew it would piss you guys off because it portrayed “Carl” as exactly what so many of you hate: An arrogant, stuck up liberal who thinks his opinion is superior to yours even though he can’t even defend it. A “SJW” who depends on feels and not facts, and will yell whenever his opinion is challenged.

Well, it seems that’s exactly how so many people on 4chan took it. And the meme blew up. But i feel a little bit deceiving for it. The truth is, it wasn’t such a simple interaction. After Carl went “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” He started talking about how Hitler’s rise to power depended on blaming a specific group of people and promising to eliminate them from our society. He talked about the rise of fascism when the establishment fell apart, hitler manipulating, blah blah blah. He even said some stuff about the language they use. It seems like he really did his research honestly.

So, there you have it. I don’t agree with Carl. But he DID explain his reasoning. I figured people would realize this considering the video is only 4 seconds long (not nearly enough time to explain his reasoning). So yeah. Can you please stop bullying this kid? He may not support the same candidate as you do but to harass this kid for being an arrogant liberal is just dishonest. Instead of attacking him with ad hominem, we should actually focus on addressing his arguments. Otherwise we look like a bunch of insecure rednecks who will focus on attacking a person rather than their reasoning (ironically, everything we supposedly stand against)

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi, my name is Carla Shaw.
You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.
I don't need friends. They disappoint me.

Hi, I'm Todd La Rue.
You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.
I feel like a deer, in the headlights of love.

Honey, you've got a big storm coming.
You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.

You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.
Can I ask you kind of a weird question?

You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.

I am the queen of the universe. The waves part, and they engulf me, and the water is warm.

Or just one.
I can see the Statue of Liberty from here.

You could stop at five or six stores, or just one.
I can't stand it when she touches me.

People say that time heals all wounds.

[Chorus 1]
The State of Florida has asked us to
Disclose our sexual crimes to you
We were bad, but now we're good
We're moving into your neighborhood
You know we're trying our best to be
Functioning members of society
We're not here to start trouble
We're legally required to do the "Sex Offender Shuffle"

[Verse 1: Larry Arthauer]
I'm Larry Arthauer and I'll refrain
From touching my neighbor's kid's again
What I did was not too kind
But I'm a nice guy, you'll come to find
I've got a backyard and a real nice pool
Y'all should come over for a BBQ
We could make some cold drinks in my blender
But do keep in mind I'm a sex offender

[Verse 2: Vernon Douglas]
Vernon Douglas is my name
My battery arrest is what brought me fame
But there's much more to know about me
I love to dance, and I love to ski
I zip and zoom through the snow
Just strap on my boots and watch me go
But I can't ski until December
So until then I'm just a sex offender

[Verse 3: Charles Dolling]
I'm Charles Dolling, dropping rhymes
I've been arrested 7 times
I know that sounds like a lot
But 3 of those times were for vandalism
I feel real bad, I got caught
I might do it again, probably not
I'm not here to make pretenses
I'm here 'cos of my sex offences

[Verse 4: Sam Pound]
I'm Sam Pound, I'm number 1
Apologizing for what I've done
Case you're wondering what that was
I snuck into a bathroom and cuts off
*blarghs back in*eats those truffles
I'm just here to do the sex offender shuffle

[Sax solo]

[Verse 5: Laura Hughes]
Hey everybody I'm Laura Hughes
Proving girls can do it too
And by it I mean touch your cousin
Was it worth it? No it wasn't
You won't find me in your child's play set
Cuz I've gotta wear this ankle bracelet
I'm not here to go on a bender
I'm here because I'm a sex offender

[Verse 6: Marc Burmholdt]
Last name Burmholdt, first name Marc
I'm moving in somewhere on your block
Not in a house, but in a van
If you need me to move it, I sure can
The last thing I want is any trouble
I've learnt my lesson from the sex offender shuffle

[Verse 7: Arthur Chase]
I'm the one they call Arthur Chase
They said I didn't have to show my face
My first trial ended in a hung jury
If I'm found guilty they'll un-blur me
I'm not the necrophiliac Arthur Chase
That's a different Arthur Chase
I'm not here to be my own defender
I'm here because I'm possibly a sex offender

[Verse 8: Telly Polk]
Okay real quick I'm not like these people, okay this is an extortion plot by my wife who's the only witness and she's trying to take away my kids and if shotgun cocking
I'm not here to pack my duffel
I'm just here to do the sex offender shuffle

[Chorus 2]
The State of Florida has asked us to
Disclose our sexual crimes to you
We were bad, but now we're good
We're moving into your neighborhood
We're obliged to admit
The crimes of which we were convicted
We're not here to start trouble
We're legally required to do the "Sex Offender Shuffle"
boy with pink hair is mad that he didn't get his boypussy rammed that day
so much cancer that the cancer gets killed by other cancer so that it reverts the cancer
faggot who gets an autistic episode because he's permabanned from his favorite mario website
KKK (Komedy Kentral Klan)
sound test for your new audio equipment
popular pewdiepie video
kind of racist reactionary garbage
more good video
bughes bunny funny haha
evolution of dance

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