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| My Random Oneshots :3 |
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Forum Index - Hobbies - Art - My Random Oneshots :3 |
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| Posted on 2010-10-09 03:09:00 AM |
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This is a place where I can do some of my writings. Most of thme will revolve around Naruto, Harry Potter, Vocaloid, and possible crossovers with different genres, other anime/manga, games, TV shows, ect. Meh, I do this 'cuz I'm bored and because people sometimes think it's troublesome to read my fics at Fanfiction.Net. But anyway... got a Naruto parody using a Family Guy scene.
Anko snorts as she woke up with the door slam alerting her. Naruto had gotten back into the car, looking straight ahead.
“What the hell, man?” She looks at her watch, “It took you three hours just to break up with her?”
“Uh... I didn’t exactly break up with her,” Naruto told Anko.
She sniffed the air, now noticing the scent. “What’s that smell? It smells like sweat, anguish and regret?”
“Yeah...”
“Huh...”
Naruto started his car and pulls away from the curb.
“Hey, can I listen to my mix tape, Naruto?”
“Sure,” he responds.
Anko inserts the tape into the player, and dance-like music begins to play. She smirks as she started to sing to her own lyrics to the song.
“Naru had sex! With a really dumb girl! And he’s taking his friend Anko, to get some dango in his car-”
Naruto kills the music.
“Ohh, you’re a poor sport.”
If Harry Potter Was A Ninja
“But you need the potions! You look like a burn victim from a house fire!”
“No I don’t. I have my own way of healing.”
Kōkō Ribāsu Sakusei (Oral Rebirth Creation), he thought as something happened.
Fingers poked out from his mouth, and clung to the jaw and lips. His head bent at a disgustingly odd angle before the fingers began to impossibly pry and unhinge the jaw like rubber. The mouth stretched and then he began to crawl out, covered in some unknown liquid. The dark-haired wizard with the emerald eyes groaned a bit as he crawled out of his shed skin, making many around him sick to their stomachs. Casually, he flicks the skin away after he stood completely on his feet, and then burned his former skin to ash. What was once a burn victim of a dragon’s fiery attack was an unknown liquid-soaked teenager; giving them a grin worthy of a sociopath. Not that Harry WAS a sociopath... then again, his Jounin Sensei was Mitarashi Anko...
“See? I don’t need healing potions... just a lot of food,” he told a pale Madam Pomfrey. Using a technique that only Orochimaru knew often left him hungry and partially drained of chakra.
Special Agent Naruto Uzumaki
He brushed back the bangs of his sun-kissed hair as he stared at the man he shot. The man wore a full on bodysuit, all black, and had blonde hair like his, only longer, and tied into a high ponytail. The mask appeared to be glued to the face. The only identifiable feature on the mask was it looked like some sort of wild cat with a red dot on the center of the forehead of the mask. He sighed mostly to himself. He recognized the mask craft. From his dead past... he cursed in his mind; just how the hell did they find him?
“Gibbs is gonna kill me,” Naruto muttered, as he wrapped the knife wound with bandages on his right arm.
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| Posted on 2010-10-21 06:04:10 PM |
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Chi chi chi ha ha haa...
Bass stopped, and looked around. He had wandered all of the Undernet in Europe and couldn’t find the Navi with the coat of arms emblem on worn bone armor. He’s come across some Navis who dwelled in the Undernet, and while some have warped away upon seeing him, others were deleted, once he managed to dig out whatever he could find out about the supposed Demon of the Undernet.
Chi chi chi ha ha haa...
He was in an area around Germany linking towards Asia at the moment. Here, the underground areas of the cyber world resembled a spooky forest-like wasteland. There weren’t much cyber trees around, but most of them glow an eerie red or purple. He heard the soft crunch of a foot stepping on something. He turned around, cloak whipping around. There stood a NetNavi. A tall NetNavi wearing what the humans called a jumpsuit. Dirty, raged in some places, boots, gloves holding what looked like a blood-stained machete, and a hockey mask. Bass narrowed his eyes. It was one of those horror icons the humans created, and feared. But the Dark Navi could also see that this human wasn’t a human, but made completely of viral data.
Through a Cyber Bulletin Board in a created square market back in London, he had read information pertaining to the Navi he was searching for, though most were random made-up information about so-called survival of the Navi’s grasp, while one yielded the same information about the Navis’ description of having bone armor and an emblem of a green coat of arms with a snake forming an S. But before he left, he caught note of something else. Detailing of a virus problem that stolen the data of a horror film character the humans were creating for one of their video game systems before it started killing whatever got in its way as it vanished into the depths of the cyber world. What stood before him, across a small hole in the ground, was the supposed Jason Voorhees data... only corrupted.
Chi chi chi ha ha haa...
“Heh.” Bass glares at Jason, “you think you can kill me? Pathetic human creation...”
Jason, the silent killer that he is, continues to stare at the Dark Navi.
Bass gave a disgusted snort, before he forms his Dark Arm Blades, and zips across the small chasm straight towards Jason. With a yell he slashes the devil across the chest, and knocked Jason back into a cyber tree that broke upon collision. The Navi was smirking, ready to delete the corrupted data when Jason got up. In a swirl of data, a bloodied ax appeared in his hand and he flung it. Bass barely dodged it, although the ax was embedded deep into the cyber wood several meters behind him. First mistake... Jason had crossed the distance, and struck him with a hard punch to the chest. Bass coughed hard by the force as he flew back, and rolled into the ground before crashing against a fallen tree.
“What the hell?” Bass coughed, getting back up, and wincing at the lingering pain. He looks up, and sees Jason rearmed with the machete, lunging for a stab towards his head.
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| Posted on 2010-11-11 03:44:08 PM |
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Hey guys! Tell em what you think of this? It's for an upcoming chapter in The Ninja of Hogwarts (my Harry Potter x Naruto crossover). To prevent confusion, the guy "Haru" is really a ninjafied Harry Potter with a Japanese name.
Anko and Haru were watching TV. There was a mission currently in progress, but their third team mate for the mission was Shino's cousin. She wisely said nothing as the man with dusty blonde hair kissed the air between Haru and Anko, and left the safe house with Jueru following the weirdo they had to protect in order for him to survive testifying against remnants of the Gatō Shipping Inc. in some court held in the Fire Capital. The house was quiet except for some game show on called "Wheel of Fortune." And Anko took a sip of chilled sake.
"Hey Anko," Haru spoke up, a faint smile popping up, "Marian just called you an alcoholic."
Anko smirked, a chuckle escaping. "Oh yeah, well... Marian just called you a homo."
Now both Leaf-nins were chuckling.
"Ya know, just hold on a second. I'll be right back." Haru left the living room, and eventually returned with a vegetable in hand: a cucumber, "What if I, what if I just, ya know, place this cucumber right here?" Haru sits back down, and "slides" the cucumber on the empty couch seat, "just put that cucumber right there. You think Patrick would be angry?"
Anko started to laugh. "I don't know man, it's his wife."
Both were laughing now.
"You really don't think he'll be all that angry if I just placed it right there?" He moves it a bit, "just right there. Right there on that spot on the couch?"
"Oh man! Hey, Marian's giving you the thumbs up!"
"Hahahaa!"
Both were cracking up. In between their laughs, Haru's smile looked like it would have to be surgically removed.
"You know what we should do, Anko?" Haru explains, "We should just leave it for the rest of the three weeks, and see if it pickles!"
The laughs resumed for a few moments, and Anko had to catch her bottle she elbowed before it spilt all over the carpet.
"Oh... and after three weeks, if it pickles," Anko snorts at this moment, "then she's real, and we each owe Patrick a steak dinner."
Haru explodes into rebellious laughter, and Anko joins in.
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Len’s Shirt
Kaito was walking past the room, when he stopped, and peers inside. Len had just stripped naked, and was now just taking off his tie, and his shirt. He grabs his yellow towel and walks into the adjoined bathroom, and closes the door. Like a ninja, Kaito sneaks in as soon as he heard the shower running, and grabs the shirt. He runs quietly back to his room, closes the door...
And then like some sort of sex-pervert, takes a big whiff of Len’s scent on the shirt, and releases an orgasmic sigh of relief.
"Ahh... giggity."
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| Last edited on 2010-11-11 07:39:04 PM by Black Crystal Wisher. |
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| Posted on 2011-05-19 03:14:22 PM |
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Many Jounins in the Jounin-rank bar looked as a Genin with sun blonde hair barged through the flap called a door, and spied who he was looking for. Attention shifted onto Kakashi sitting with Kurenai, Anko, Asuma, and Gai.
Naruto walked towards their direction, and pointed at Kakashi. “Hold him.” Kurenai and Anko immediately got up and grabbed Kakashi, who began to sweat bullets feeling a bit of KI startin to come from the blonde. They also restrained him from using the Shunshin.
“Naruto, what is going-”
“Shut up!” Naruto yelled, “Just shut up! You henged as me, and took my pre-ordered copy of Icha Icha... do you have any clue how long it took me to get a pre-ordered copy, personally signed by the master himself!? I was so angry when I found out.”
He gained a creepy smile, and lifted up his right hand. “Pink belly...”
Kakashi’s only visible eye bulged in shock, as he tried to get free, but the two women held a tight grip on him. “Wait a minute, Naruto!”
His shirt was yanked up, exposing his flat toned stomach. And everyone who were in the bar at that time bore witness to Kakashi getting punished, as using his chakra, managed to apply chakra-powered slaps as fast as he could, lasting up to thirty minutes; Asuma timed it. The next day, all Jounins with Genin Teams were in Sarutobi’s office. Kakashi winces a bit as he felt the sting still remaining on his stomach.
“I heard something happened to you,” said Iruka to Kakashi, as he was there again as Sarutobi’s assistant.
Kakashi winced, as he lifted up his shirt revealing a patch of pinkish red skin. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have done what I did to Naruto. He was so proud he signed it himself.” And on the patch was Uzumaki Naruto in a feminine-like loopy writing using black permanent marker, “it still stings, and he knows it would be awhile until I can wash it...”
“Why didn’t you go to the hospital to see a Medic-nin?”
“Because he made Anko promise him that I would not do such a thing unless I and I quote, like getting my ass cherry popped by a thirteen inch thick snake, unquote.” A few other guys in the room winced.
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| Posted on 2011-12-01 02:15:01 AM |
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And as they ran from the scene, leaving behind dead bodies of hit men whom tried to kill them, Harry looked to Tracy.
"Still got that gun on you?"
"Yeah," she replied.
"Hand it to me."
She did so, and Harry gripped it as they continued down the various alleys of the town they were at. Several minutes later, they came to a rather secluded street corner where nobody was around this late at night. And as the driver pulled to a stop and was about to make a turn...
"Get out of the car!" Harry yelled angrily and with an assertive force, taking aim with the gun, "Get the (bleep) out, now!" The young man inside his vehicle cowered and screamed throwing his hands into the air. "I said get out of the (bleep)ing car, right now!"
The man continued to scream, even as Harry bashed the window, shattering it. "Get out! Get the (bleep) out! Now!" And the man moved. Tracey reached right in, and dragged the poor guy out of the broken window. Harry kept screaming and yelling at the man crawling away, as they get into the car, him at the driver seat before slamming the door, "(bleep)!" and speeds away. The man ran for his life down the sidewalk.
"Did we just carjack someone?" Tracy questions, as soon as Harry drives onto the ramp and in the direction to London via the highway.
"We sure did, Tracy... we're so going to be in deep (bleep) for this."
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Deidara was eating his dango at a nearby stop’n’eat kiosk. Of course, the man was a simple civilian who didn’t give one damn about the ninja lifestyle so that’s why a Nuke-nin from Iwa and a man wearing an orange spiral mask were eating lunch here with no Oinin in sight. Sasori had something important to do regarding one of his spies he’s had infiltrating Orochimaru’s inner circle, so Leader-sama had placed the man, Tobi, as Deidara’s temporary partner/replacement until Akasuna no Sasori returned in three days.
“Tobi enjoys his dango and tea, yes he does,” Tobi says cheerfully, pulling off a Kakashi by eating his food and drinking without removing the mask. He was awesome that way.
Deidara just smiles to himself, taking a bite of his sweet deliciousness.
“I wonder when Tobi will be able to join Akatsuki. Tobi is a good boy!”
“If Orochimaru didn’t steal one of our rings, you’d be in it already, little man,” he said, “that slippery snake bastard, un. I wonder how long it’ll take to even retrieve it.”
Tobi sets his tea on the nearby counter, before jumping up and strikes the Good Guy Pose.
“The Akatsuki is awesome... and Tobi loves the kasa,” he adds. If the spiral mask wasn’t in the way, he’d be able to do the pinging of his gleaming white teeth.
Suddenly a couple of shadows emerge, and Deidara looks up to see a group of Ronin totaling fifty following around a giant of a man with large muscle; chiseled muscle by years of what he assumes is working on weights. He had a downward curved small mustache, large eyebrows, dark eyes, and a mass of curly black hair almost in an afro-like style plus sideburns. He wore a brown Gi uniform with the top half open to show he had thick chest hair, with what looks like one hell of an expensive-looking white silk kimono top as a coat, plus double-strapped geta. And he carried several swords sheathed in the light red-pink obi around his waist on both sides.
“Well, well, looks like we found our next pay dirt,” the hulking physique of a man said, with a booming laugh, which the others joined in his roaring laugh. Deidara’s eyebrow twitched as the man held his hand up and obediently like dogs the rest of the men shut up.
“Tobi finds you lame with that OH HO HO HO laugh of yours,” Tobi speaks, pointing at the man.
He growls now, face twisted with anger. “You want to repeat that again, you little freak?”
“Aw, now you upset Tobi. Tobi is sad, you Mr. Hercule Satan wannabe.”
“How dare you make fun of me,” He roars with a reddened face and blood vessels bunging in his neck, spittle flying literally at Tobi’s face... well his mask.
Tobi simply holds out a pack of mint gum. “Your breath stinks of booze, hookers, and shame.”
This sentence irked the man something fierce.
“Do you have any idea who I am? I am the great Master Handsome! The Master Pogi! I am-”
“Tobi,” Deidara interrupts the man, “do me a favor and take care of these idiots, un?”
Tobi salutes immediately with a childish way of a military stance, pocketing away his spearmint gum. “Aye aye, Cap’n Blowjob!”
Tobi turns to face the man and his gang, cracks his knuckles and begins to fake punch, as if boxing. The gang and their leader all laugh, as if told a hilarious joke. They were laughing not only at Tobi pretending he was a world champion boxer, but because of his nickname for Deidara, whose facial tics increased. Of course the laughs ended when Tobi hops off the bench and walks up to them. The man however still held a grin on his face as he bends down enough to Tobi’s level.
“I pretty much doubt you’d hurt me, so I’ll humor you. One free hit.” He pats his right cheek twice, “C’mon, as hard as you can.”
“Okilly-dokilly!”
Clenching his right hand, he rears his fist back and...
CRACK!
Tobi performs the Shouryuken (昇龍拳, Rising Dragon Fist) blasting the man high into the air and he flies into the nearby bushes; somehow his clothes are now given a ripped effect all over the Gi and the kimono top, and swords have been knocked from the obi and scattered. The other Ronin look at their boss, shock and horror etched on their faces while the gang leader is seeing stars and now has a crushed jaw. They slowly turn to look at Tobi and his orange spiral mask, which he polished and cleaned with a rag he tossed carelessly behind him.
“Tobi is a good boy,” he chants, sounding so cute and yet somehow sounding so evil. Basically it’s a one-sided fight from here on out. Especially the humorous comments uttered by the guys who are currently getting their asses beaten badly, such as one guy shouting about his spleen hurting, or a guy whose teeth were knocked down his throat, or a guy screaming about getting a chakra-powered ass poke... with his own katana. Ouch! And as the horrifying pained shouts continue to bathe the background amidst breaking bones, Deidara finally snaps.
“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT NAME!?”
He did not like the fact Tobi believed he used his palm mouths to... do THAT to himself on lonely nights. As for our dango owner of the kiosk, he simply ignored the chaos happening outside his small little home and continued washing the same clean cup repeatedly with a dry cloth, push broom mustache twitching at every crack of human bone.
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| Last edited on 2011-12-04 06:49:05 AM by Black Crystal Wisher. |
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