The thing is, I can't give you a reason, you must figure it out yourself. Each one of us has a different reason/purpose to continue life; my reason/purpose in life is different than yours, that is why I can give you one.
I already know my purpose in life. To live. If I were to refer to my religion, then it is to live life to the fullest potential by making the lives of others better. There, did I amaze you yet?
and it's not really derailed if the creator of this thread engages in it, so were "branching out" the topic in this thread with one that is completely related.
(KPhoenix, Change the title of this thread, Quick)
It's not spam, still have relevance to the thread.
*sees KP's post* Anyone can give advise, but only those who care can help you follow the advise.
Advice has a C in it, and advice can only be used if you decide to use it. Nobody can 'help' you use it.
I'm not saying you're ignorant, but you just read my posts as if they were plain symbols of the English language put together accordingly to make a proper sentence following the dictionary.
Or you were forced to assume that based on my reactions?
If you don't particularly care whether you live or die, then why do you care about this girl even one bit? ;) Just move on. Find someone that makes you care.
I care, I just don't over-emphasize it. I'm not going to be gang raped, and nobody is going to come after me. Worst case scenarios usually don't happen.
wow is there gonna be a chapter IV?
That's all you have to live for??
No knowledge, no courage, no self-love, or forgiveness??
Knowledge is required to help others, courage is something I already have, self-love is a pity, and forgiveness is near the center of my religion.
EDIT: Actually, I take back the courage statement. I admit I have fears, and such.
You can't live for others, you have to live for yourself.
That statement blows my mind. Do you know why there is evil in the world?? Do you know why wars start?? Do you know why people kill, people die, and people hurt each other?? It is because of self-love and self-interest, and most of all, just plain selfishness. I strongly suggest you reconsider your moral values.
If you want to help someone else before giving your self the help you need first, then you're going to reach a point where you don't know the difference between everyone else and you.
You know nothing of my life, except for this thread. I don't sacrifice my own wellbeing and life for another person. For example, if it were between doing homework, and talking to a friend on the phone to make them feel happy, I would obviously do the homework. As I said, I don't sacrifice my life's necessities for another persons temporary needs.
You need to reflect on yourself.
And you don't? If your answer is no, then obviously you have set your standard to where you believe you have achieved personal success, and you cannot continue to build onto yourself. I "reflect" more than you know, my friend.
Ask yourself why you ever cared about her, why she has that piece of you, and if you need to take it back or let it rot to be regained again.
I care about this girl because in due time I realized by being there for her, I am doing her a favor that could alter her life in a positive way. About the cheating, I did a little research of my own, and found out the 3 males she was conversing with live outside of our state, and have had no physical contact with her in the lifetime. (But that doesn't mean I don't have a problem with it, I do have to talk with her about that yet.)
You can't HOPE it will get better you have to have the courage to make it happen.
In this situation, I'm the driver, not the passenger. I'm not following along with the situation, I'm the one pretty much controlling it, (Not saying I'm a user).
Listen to yourself and forget about the world for a day and listen to what YOU yourself have to say over what everyone, including me, has to say.
Let's see, I've gone to.... about 6 adults, married adults (with good going relationships as far as I know), for advice, including friends from school, (although they don't know jack shit), and my own father. I love taking advice, except when I'm getting it from somebody whose advice isn't that good of advice. Not saying anything against you, but I've received far better advice than this..
From your past posts, you have been having a strong conflict with not only Katey, (correct name?)) but also yourself, correct??
Last year, not really anymore, I don't have a reason to be. The only self conflict I have is anxiety, and any mental shit I inherited from my bipolar mother.
By helping yourself, I meant choosing that you are more important than this girl, not that you don't care about anyone else.
Well, of course. One of the reasons I'm not letting go of her is that she makes me feel good, in a way. It's like a win/win situation.
Also, by living for yourself, you should put your priorities and emotions before the sacrifice of listening to other peoples problems.
Overall, I think I'm the person who complains and tries to get help for their problems the most, of anyone I talk to. (I need to learn to keep it to myself).
What was apparently not clearly stated, was that ask yourself questions, not go to advice from other people, but consult your inner self for reasons as to why you have the feelings you do.
Write it down, play music do something that explains why that emotion or thought comes from within you. Hope that helps clear that up.
I already learned from experience that I can't conjure up answers. Through simple insight I've learned that I have much yet to learn, and that it would be foolish to make decisions based on the limited knowledge I have, when better advice is available.
How is self-love a pity??
If you ever feel like nooone loves you,
is it not fine to know you've done what you can and not be able to tell yourself that you caused everything?
Somehow I see no connection between the first sentence there, and the rest of the paragraph. Sorry. :\
It is very hard to truly appreciate, but if I hadn't learned about myself and not practiced self-love,
I wouldn't be trying so hard to help you right now;
I would be telling you how you can't do anything to stop your emotions...
I've been through some very tough times,
not saying you haven't mind you,
but I've felt that I couldn't stop a girl from being stupid so I decided to choose my (spiritual and physical) health over her lack of.
Quite the contrary, I respect myself, but I don't hold high... (Okay, I got distracted, and lost my train of thought.. like half an hour ago, haha. I don't feel like finishing.)
My previous comment, as well as this one,
are not offensive but merely my attempt to
enlighten you to a newer way to view resolution from conflicts.
I never adapt to a certain way of thinking. I'm always learning.
EDIT: I am sorry that I can not offer good advice, but as you've said, if i knew you and could talk face to face, I would know how you handle situations and statements and would be able to help you; sorry for not considering this first, hope this clears up any new hostile feelings.
Uhm, this threads purpose is to inform us that the administrators the the "gods" of SMWC? Well, I see some truth in that, where the point is we have to do as they say, since it is their site, afterall..
Originally posted by Troopa Pride
Admins and mods are humans just like we are who gained enough trust to help out the site.
They aren't humans... they are just usernames... it's a conspiracy, dude.
Okay, like I did last year, or sometime during this year before the wipe, I made a few threads talking about my last breakup and shit with the girlfriend, and being emo, etc. Well that time has come again! *Crowd groans* Aww, don't be that way. Just think of it as another way to be nosey.
Well here we go. (No emo this time)
Okay, well just about a month and a half ago, a new girl transferred into my school. She was also a sophomore, like me, and seemed pretty shy. She was new and all, and just minded her own business. I saw her everyday in my English class, and I kinda became interested in her. She wasn't a supermodel, but she was good looking enough to catch my interest. Well about a few days later, I introduced myself and some of my friends, and we became friends in a short matter of time.
Eventually, it got to where we passed notes in class, and eventualy swapped phone numbers and screen names. We talked on the phone often, and I knew she liked me, but I was hesistant to make a move. After about a week, I did make the move and we were officially a couple. It was pretty cool, we got to know each other more and more as time went on, and were talking to each other pretty often. Well just about less than a month after, the downfall started. Because of her personality, beliefs, opinions, I disagreed with some, and wanted to break up with her. I didn't have the balls to, because I felt so bad, and we just made up, since it was almost a breakup.
Well she seemed to have no problem telling me which guys she thought were "hott", to me, and I had a big problem with it, since I get jealous VERY easily. Well the continuous crap as such built up, and almost resulted in another breakup. Well she apologized, and such, and it went on.
She had gotten an online game from me, and we played together online, and about last Thursday, something happened that I overreacted to. It was over the game and taking a "weapon" that was mine, which she denied over and over, even though I knew she was lying. It was until the next day that she was on again that I was able to prove to her that she lied to me, and over the phone, she kept up saying that she wasn't lying. Well I gave her so many chances to tell me the truth,a nd that I couldn't care less about the game. All that mattered was she told me the truth.
Well sure enough she didn't, and I said "I'm fed up, I'm done. We're through", and hung the phone up (about 3:15PM Friday). Then about 2 minutes later, she called back, sorry as ever.. but I told her it was too late, that the relationship wouldn't last. Well at 3:29PM, she hung up the phone, and ran away, going to a friend's house. I didn't know this, until I got a phonecall at 4:00PM from her mother asking me if I knew where she was. Well this kept up, and she didn't show up at home. We found out from one of her other friends, that she was indeed staying a friend's house, but no one knew where, and who.
None of us have had any contact with her whatsoever, except we know that she does have internet access. She's been gone, and STILL IS GONE. I want her back, but the sad part is she doesn't know that, and she probably won't go home until she does know. (I do know she wants me back, too)
Originally posted by KPhoenix
YES!! SHE JUST WENT HOME 10 MINUTES AGO, AND I GOT A MESSAGE FROM HER SISTER SAYING SO!!
Whee I'm so excited I could piss my pants!
Now I'll have to see how it does tomorrow when I see her. I'll post back saying what happened.
Originally posted by KPhoenix
Okay, now, I shall explain all.
Wait, I'll just explain
Well, she got home last night, as I mentioned. I tried calling their household as soon as I found out, but she was already sleeping. The next morning her mother called me, and let me know she was going to go to school that day.
Well after I got to school, I waited for a bit, and didn't see her at all, so I called her mother. Katie had gotten up late because she didn't get much sleep, in fact, she was extremely sleep deprived. On the phone, I told Katie I missed her and I love her yet, but she seemed pretty out of it, and she wasn't feeling too good toward me obviously.
Well she got to school later on, and during my 1st period Study Hall, I took time and wrote her some notes, saying that I'm sorry for this and that, and want her back, but a class period later, she wrote back saying she didn't want to go back into a relationship so quickly, but she still loves me and bla bla bla.
I felt pretty cut down, and wrote back saying "Is this your way of saying it's over for good?" Well she wrote back again before lunch saying that it wasn't over for good and that she indeed still loves me. (This gets confusing later on.) Well Lunch was a bit quiet. I left for awhile and wandered around becuase I felt heartbroken lol. Well I came back, and we started passing a note back and forth. She seemed pretty loopy... Abnormally happy, but I'll get to why later. After lunch was a class I had with her, and we both had to leave the class room for about 10 minutes because we were absent for a certain day, and they were correcting a paper or something.
While we were waiting, (There was a table, she sat on one end, so I went and sat on the other end farthest away as possible), she told me that I could talk to her. It was a bit of a relief because I thought she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Well we got talking, and she explained everything that happened while she had run away.
(Insert explanation here tomorrow when I'm not half-asleep)
We started to clear things up a bit. We got back in class, and it was cool because I could easily notice she's still interested in me, because she kept looking over at me. We both wrote a note for each other. Mine was pretty much telling her not to (explantion involved) and bla bla. (Had to do with her own safety, complicated.) Well we walked down the hall to the next class together like we used too. (yay). After that class, we met in the hall, and she gave me another note, asking me to go into the school commons area during the beginning of last class period. (We used to do such before when we were still dating, was fun and shit).
Yeah so then we're in the commons, skipping class, and we're talking some more about what happened. I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I asked her for a hug, and she said "yeah", so I got to hug her. I got to hug her quite a few times, actually. It's like we got close again... Well she kept me out of class for 20 min (dear lord...), and she walked with me back to my class (because she hated choir and wanted to skip it ).
Yeah, and so on the way back to my class, we were joking around a bit with stuff (I forget what because I wasn't paying attention), and she stood right in front of me, and said something.. She was like right directly in front of me.... and yes... a testosterone moment... hehe. I kissed her. Whee... I felt like a fucking king hehe.. Well she seemed kinda happy about it too..
So then after school, I hung out with her in the commons again until 3:30 when her mom picked her up. Well I hugged her some more, and she very well let me, and liked it as much as I did, and then the funny part. One of our friends comes into the commons and sees us, and asks if we were back together. She just said "no, he's just being a pervert". Holy shit, that cut me deep for a second there... But I guess it was the reality. But the second part, me being a pervert, I was like WTF I'm not a fucking pervert...
Well that went smooth. <.<
So I was talking to her for an hour after school on the phone, and she actually apologized for calling me a perv and such. But the funny thing here about this was that she was acting kinda bitchy to me.. We were talking, and I made a comment about saying I should stab myself with this guitar string, as a joke, and she says "whatever, do it". That astounded me. I followed by saying, "well what if I died suddenly, would you care?". Well she said "I don't know...". I was pretty confused for the rest of the night, on how she felt about me.
Later on, just recently, I got some relationship advice from a married person 2.5 years into marriage, and it was pretty good, too.
He just said that the way she was acting being bitchy and the pushing me away was a result of her putting up defenses in her heart, against the one who hurt her (me, breaking up with her). And that she probably still does want me. He said that I'd have to tell her how much she means to me, and tell her I will wait for her until she's ready to make her decision. Damn good advice and I'm going to try it, too.
Yep, read up on my juicy drama, haha.
Originally posted by KPhoenix
<marquee>DON'T POST UNTIL I TYPE THE NEXT CHAPTER PLZKTHX ;)</marquee>
Okay, as I stated, sortof, Chapter III is next. Bad.
Now, the day after, she didn't go to school, because she was sick, probably from not getting enough sleep. Well I wasn't able to talk to her much, because her parents have grounded her (she deserves it). The day after, The last friday of November, she was at school. Peculiar day.
It went fine, we passed notes back and forth, and even flirted. I was questioning her in a note about why she had hickies on her neck, and stuff like that, but most questions were dodged. Well before I get to that, I'll give you the story of what happened while she was runaway from home.
The 23rd of November, she had run away after I broke up with her, and stayed at her friend Austin's house for a day. Austin had some older friends who were around the ages 16-20. There were about 10 of them. Katie from then on hung out with these people. The were like outcasts, and never went home apparently. She had been getting food at one of those food shelter places with these people. They wandered around town alot, and such, and these guys were very "criminal". She said she had fun, and enjoyed being with them. She also did weed, and such. She came home on Tuesday night the next week because her mother threatened to put her face on the news.
After she had got back, I didn't notice until the next day though, but she had 2 or 3 hickies around her neck area. I had questioned her about everything in this note as said. Well one of the guys she hung out with, Stevin, gave her them. I asked her about Stevin, and she said she really likes him. Horrible.
Well on friday, she stayed after school to hang out with me, and she would just take a city bus to get home. I gave her a bus token, and happily told her what to do to get home, because she had never taken a city bus before. Well, we flirted, and joked around, and she left to take the bus. That day, my dad had picked me up.
Later on that night, I got a call from Katie saying that she had taken the wrong bus, fell asleep on it, and ended up back at the bus station. After that, my dad and I went and picked her up to take her home. On the way back, she was talking about how Stevin and 2 others with him had gone to jail for stealing a van, and breaking into a house and stealing stuff. I didn't understand how she even cared about this guy, he is such a lowlife.
Well, we brought her home, and I got a hug. It was odd, (although she hugged me a few times earlier that day), because it was her giving me the hugs, for change.
I still didn't feel all that cool toward her, I had my suspicions about her and her intentions...
Well, just today, I talked to her on the phone, and we had a good talk, but later on in, she wanted me to message someone on MySpace for her. She gave me the username and password, and told me not to peep around. I did as she said, then talked to her, and ended the call about 20 minutes later.
About 5 minutes after that, I went on her MySpace again, and checked all of her Sent messages, as I was suspicious what conversations she had with other males. What I found really let me down...
About with 3 different guys, mostly around the 18th of Nov (5 days before the break up), she had very sexual conversations with these guys through messages. This was enough proof to know that she has cheated on me, and lied. It was a good thing I broke up with her...
I am not sure what to do now... I started writing her a message on MySpace about it all, taking chunks of the messages, and typing my own captions under them, telling her how dissapointed and irate I am over them. Unfortunately, this would probably cause an argument, or her running away again, so I currently deciding to just talk to her in person about it, where she won't be able to make any quite moves...
Okay, let's see... well last time I posted, I was having conflicts with what I should do, since it appeared that Katie was a lying slut who was using me. Well I've got a whole twist to this story.
I'm sure this was some weeks before Christmas. Well sometime after that post, I did confront her about it. After school one day, I was with her in the commons, and I told her I had to talk to her about something. Well I told her what had happened, and I could hear the "Oh God..." muttered under her breath. Well me, thinking that I had total control over the situation, was wrong. She told me that her "cyber sex" attitudes toward these people online was nothing serious and it was more of "kidding around". [Well after a recent discussion with her about it, she says cyber sex isn't cheating, but like saying you love someone over the internet would be. Doesn't really make sense to me, but apparently what she did wasn't cheating at all. I was jealous though, although cybering is the most retarded thing you can do.] Then after she explained, she asked me why I even intruded in her messages. Well the tables completely turned on me. She told me she was hurt that I did that, and I didn't trust me as much. At this point I was like, "Shit...shit...shit...". Blah. Well I apologized to her and told her I'd never do it again, and we got over that soon enough.
Well from going in her messages, I also learned that there was another guy in the picture.. it seems as though when she ran away for those days, she got a new boyfriend who was in that group who's name was Steven, as I may have mentioned. My memory isn't so clear on exactly when and where I found out, but I'm sure it was by reading her messages. Well the whole month of December up until then between me and her, we were very touchy feely, and she even wanted me around her, it wasn't just me acting out of my own feelings. So then it's true, she was cheating on the guy for me. But soon enough, she had written him a letter (he was in prison), saying that she was breaking up with him, so she could go out with me. [The funny thing here is that she never told me this until way later, or even of the relationship between her and him itself]
Well now in this time, I was feeling perfectly good. Things were going well, and she hadn't actually started going back out with me; she was saving it as a Christmas gift actually. She didn't tell me, but it was obvious in my mind. Now it seemed that Steven was out of the picture for good. [Which turned out to be complete bullshit, because he's like a fucking cicada: staying low for awhile then coming back up to cause problems.] Well then around Christmas time, I went to her family's Christmas event thingy, and I gave her bitchst.. damn it. I mean birthstone earrings, and some necklace thingy. And then she had gotten me a nice wallet [lol], and said she'd go out with me, [as if I was desperate, meh. She was. Honestly.] Well things went good, but I still had the cyber bullshit stuck in my mind, but that was the least of my worries for now. [Because when she got back from her running away, how I said she told me everything that happened, she left out alot, and the pretty crucial stuff too.]
Well things gradually got better, and we were a happy couple again. Then shit hit the fan once again sometime in mid January.
To be continued tomorrow in about 20 hours from this post date... Unexpected end tag (</marquee>) at 437, expected </div> Unexpected end tag (</marquee>) at 9635, expected </div>
Hmm... I'd say you should increase the variety of shades; darken the borders more and lighten the bright areas. It seems like it's very much black and white, and also, color would be nice. (Or at least a pen rather than a pencil. Pencil is just.. blah)
Just do whatever you want- wait thats what you have been doing this whole time. At least she told you the truth, and you told her a lie >_>. I feel no remorse for whats happening, I'm just that cold right now, even though this "seems" like it will end "happily".
Hehe. Well I gotta go soon. What I wrote is still ancient history. I still haven't gotten to the part where she tells me how she cheated on a boyfriend she had last year, and that she nearly got fucked when she ran away, from two different guys (But she didn't actually do it, because she stopped them almost right away). It's explainable beyond that, but that's very recent. She's full of secrets.
Oh, and the good part is we're still dating yet to this day.