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Profile for Alcaro
Name:  Alcaro
Title:  <MarioBros980> You're a stray muncher!
Forum posts:  11076 (2.34 per day) (View)
Forum threads:  300 (36.92 posts per thread)
Since:  (registered for 12 years, 11 months and 7 days)
Last post:  Restricted
Last activity:  (2 years, 1 month and 10 days ago)
Files:  View
Submissions:  73 (+2 awaiting moderation) (View)
Location: Eaten by a Swedish viking bear
Local time:  (0 hours from the server)
User Bio
2018-12-06: This is no longer the SMW Central I joined so many years ago. The administration is ideologically directly opposed to me, and we are unable to reach a compromise; as such, I am morally prohibited from staying here. If you're looking for me specifically, you're welcome to email me. Anything below is outdated, especially the part about password resets. Bye.

Do not contact me about bugs in Asar, LMSW or ZMZ. I no longer maintain those tools. No exceptions. Fix it yourself if it's that important, they're all open source. Reports and feature requests for AlcaRobot, Floating IPS, and those random small tools will be accepted. The ZMZ cores aren't mine, reports will be accepted.

For password resets or other account trouble, you may contact me on or our Discord.

For what you really came here for, click here. Or enjoy this tilde: ~

I am a random Swedish boy, of exactly the right age, no more no less (shut up about updating this one).
I have been here on SMW Central for far too long, and I worked with SMW for a while before that (my first post was asking for help with ASM).
While I have no problem with advanced ASM, with experiences ranging from making levels with only xkas to replacing Mario with another character, my favourite programming language is C++ (translation for non-technical people: I can and do make tools). I also have some experience with HTML, CSS, PHP, JavaScript and x86 assembly.
I tend to be quite contrary, ignoring and contradicting most social norms I don't understand or agree with. For example, floating Munchers were quite impopular a while ago, so I immediately embraced them.

I also like the numbers 42, 735, 41433505, 16722, 3838, 1686 and 845 (sorted by which I like the most; each one means something, but they're not related to each other).

My favourite games, in order:
Jumper 2 (platformer)
Medieval Cop (adventure/puzzle/humor; the only one here that's not stupidly hard)
Bullet Heaven (bullet hell)
Jumper 1/Redux (platformer)
Super Meat Boy (platformer)
Epic Boss Fighter 2 (bullet hell)

I have a heart of darkness, filled with regret, anger at the world, and sadness how the universe is merciless.

The universe is cruel, and that makes me want to get revenge on the universe and everything in it for 0% harmony. I would bring absolute peace to the world where no negativity can happen and everything is happy. Would that not be the kind of world you people would want?

Every time I miss out on something I want or become sad or angry, I turn to my dark side, who always rambles about the universe and merciless life. Whenever I sink into deep pessimism, you'll never look at me the same way again...

I try to give life a chance. I really do. However, it is too evil for me to even come out of my house. But there's no safe place from everything bad in the universe. No matter what you do, or where you are, death awaits you.

I wish I was never born. Someday, the universe will pay for all the horrid things it is has done to humanity and other extraterrestrial life in the universe.

I do not fit in with the other people. I am much different from them.

Anything can trigger the dark side of me, from your average every-day problems to natural disasters to the destruction of the world.

This is the first time I have revealed my dark side. You guys ought to get used to this. As for the creeped out, it is not my decision to tell you guys to be creeped out. That is not how it works. You must feel the emotion yourself without a seal of approval.

And with that, I fade into darkness...

Because the file bin is pretty limited, I made a Greasemonkey script that allows you to upload and delete multiple files at once, and to sort the files by type.
Note that it's only tested in Firefox with the default scheme; anything else may mess up in various ways.

If you've got any tool requests, or ASM requests I find interesting (the rules for what's interesting are unknown even to me, though I seem to prefer debugging stuff), send them to me and I'll see what I can do. Note that the most common result is that I don't find it interesting, and you get only a few RAM addresses and code snippets, with me expecting you to put it together by yourself. [last updated Jan 1, 1970; may no longer be valid]

Reasons why ZSNES' emulation core should be avoided
(still looking for a list for why TRASM sucks - I think someone said it assumes 8bit mode for all opcodes, but I haven't verified this.)

Comparison of ZSNES' interface with Snes9x:
(+ means ZSNES does it better; - means Snes9x does it better.)
+ Savestate manager, with previews and stuff
+ Rewind system (update: apparently Snes9x >= 1.54 has that too)
+ Snow (this is the biggest one)
+ Hotkeys are customizable (most of them, at least)
- Draws all widgets by itself, instead of looking like the rest of the computer (some see this as an advantage, that looking like a 20 year old program adds to the charm when you're playing 20 year old games; I don't)
- When the mouse enters the ZSNES window, it's moved to where it was when it left
- The mouse has a different speed when on top of ZSNES
- Defaults to BMP for screenshots, with PNG as a non-default choice (Snes9x supports only PNG)
± Savestates are accessed through a slot selection system, instead of one key per slot. Which is better is a matter of opinion; Snes9x's key-per-slot setup makes it easier to access multiple slots, while ZSNES' slot selector uses fewer keys, and allows for more slots without becoming unwieldy.

bsnes 0.70 vs Snes9x (+ for bsnes, - for Snes9x):
+ Has rewinds (update: apparently Snes9x >= 1.54 has that too)
+ Puts SRAM/etc beside the ROM, not beside the emulator (applies only to Snes9x >= 1.52, older Snes9x are sane)
+ Hotkeys are customizable (most of them, at least)
+ Offers both Snes9x-style mapped savestates, and ZSNES-style slotted savestates
- Only three mapped savestate slots are mappable to hotkeys. Not sure how many slotted ones.
- Disables all input if holding Ctrl/Alt/Shift (hard to do otherwise if Shift+F1 shouldn't trigger F1 and hotkeys are mappable, but not impossible)

higan vs anything else:
Infinite minus for copying the ROMs to a subdirectory of my home directory, and placing everything relevant nearby. Close enough to impossible to know whether there's any SRAM nearby, as well as being annoying to delete the SRAM from.
Another infinite minus for demanding a custom .so file in a directory only writable by root; without that, it refuses to load ROMs in the standard formats.
For those reasons, I refuse to use it long enough to make a proper judgement. Actually, that probably is a judgement.

I haven't used RetroArch enough to make a judgement, either; it seems intended to be used fullscreen and with a controller. I don't have a controller, and I prefer my things to be windowed. I believe it's intended for more dedicated gamers; casuals like me are better served by something else.

List of xkas v0.06 bugs I know of (please PM me if you know of any other bugs):
  • !x = xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx : !x = xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx overflows a buffer and crashes.
  • xkas replaces every instance of the % operator with 0b, ignoring that % is the modulos operator as well. Luckily, that operator is rarely needed.
  • Despite this, db 0b10101010 is an unknown label.
  • PEA Label doesn't work. This made PER $0006 more common than needed for a while, but these days, PEA.w Label (or using Asar) is the standard replacement.
  • !x = $19 : LDA !x refuses to assemble. Splitting it to two lines solves it.
  • If an opcode argument is not a single number, the size guesser decides to use the maximum size possible; for example, LDA 2+2 is LDA.l. Doubly annoying when the argument is prefixed with #, or if you want 16bit addressing on a label.
  • Sometimes the size guesser uses bigger sizes than possible; for example, DEC $1234-1,x is treated as DEC.l, which doesn't exist.
  • TSB $7FC0FC (and other opcodes, for example INC) is treated as TSB.w. No error, of course; you won't notice until your patch suddenly disobeys the ASM file.
  • REP 0 assembles the instruction after it once, not never. A workaround is REP -1, or any other negative number.
  • Using the pad without an org in front crashes.
  • Garbage in table files doesn't print any errors; instead, it gives various very strange results. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA" is ignored, and "Awesomeness=42 FLYING HIPPOTAMUSES" acts like "A=42". To make it even stranger, every eighth digit is OR'd together, so "A=8100000018" acts like "A=99".
  • level10:!Freeram = $13E6 defines a label containing invalid characters. No error is printed (until the label is referenced).
  • .derp: defines another inaccessible label. No error is printed.
  • 12PlayerStim: is also inaccessible.
  • incsrc thisfiledoesntexist.asm crashes after printing its error.
  • The documentation mentions that only 512 incsrc's may be inside each other. This is fully acceptable, but the truth is less acceptable: Only 512 incsrc's may exist at all. Anything above that makes xkas crash.
  • Including the same file twice kills xkas for some crappy reason. (You can work around it by refering to aliases, like incsrc 1/../include.asm : incsrc 2/../include.asm : incsrc 3/../include.asm.)
  • Trying to edit a file that can't be written (either the output file, or appending with >>) crashes.
  • LDA.B #$42 refuses to assemble. The .b is case sensitive.
  • Misplaced #s are ignored annoyingly much - LDA $#01 is treated as LDA $01 for some crappy reason.
  • Misplaced []s are also ignored; LDA [$00],x is LDA $00,x.
  • Not even LDA $[1#2] is rejected! (What it becomes is left as an exercise for the reader.)
  • db 1 is treated as 1, and db -1 is treated as -1, as expected. However, db --1 is treated as -1, db ---1 is treated as 1, and db ----1 is treated as -1.
  • db 1/0 will, rather predictably, crash.
  • Less predictably, incgin data/gfx.bin (typo intentional) calls the math parser, doesn't find the label "gfx" (or "gfx.bin" or "gfxbin", not sure), defaults to 0, divides by it, and explodes.
  • If you use a math statement ending with an operator, for example db 4+, xkas pretends there's a 0 there.
  • The same applies at the start: Begin with an operator, get an invisible zero. You can even use db * if you want to confuse people. (db - gets interpreted as a label access.)
  • The math parser is FAR too forgiving. db @#$%^&*() prints no error; instead, I think it's interpreted as 0^0&0*0. (! and _ are undefined defines and labels.)
  • Using 128 math operators in the same string crashes xkas. This can give interesting results. (You're not going to run into this one unless you're looking for it, though.)
  • If you call a macro before it's defined, and this macro contains a label (example), xkas crashes. I have no idea why.
  • print "%i" is treated as print "0". print "%.8X" prints 00000000. print "%n" crashes.
  • xkas throws "Invalid command." errors if it sees the string ", " in a quoted macro argument for some silly reason (example).
  • Making xkas print an error message longer than 16384 characters is another crash.
  • !a = aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa : !a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a!a, with the : replaced with a linebreak, doesn't expand all the defines.
  • db $42, (with the comma) returns 42 2A; other blank strings will return other absurd values.
  • dcb "INIT" prints "invalid opcode or command [dcb "INIT"]", as expected. But it also prints "label [INIT] not found [dcb "INIT"]".

Awesome IRC/whatever quote archive:
Disclaimers and rules:
These items are what I personally found funny at any given moment. They may or may not be funny to you, and may or may not be funny to me the next week (for example, if it's a copypasta meme, it gets unfunny very quickly).
Do not suggest quotes for inclusion; I decide that.
If you don't want to be included here, tell me and I'll anonymize it.
The AnonymousAnimals are assigned depending on user behaviour in the given quote, or randomly. They have no relationship to who posted it. The mapping is constant within each quote, but not between them.


<Impetus> its not necrophilia if you reanimate the body with necromancy

<LucasRCD> Alcaro is Cthulhu in disguise
<LucasRCD> Just picture Cthulhu in a walrus suit and a little tophat
<LucasRCD> That's Alcaro
<Alcaro> 100% accurate

<Kieran> dear sir or madam
<Kieran> you were blessed with a keyboard
<Kieran> use it

<My brother> Underscore: The Anime (Starring Muncher as Muncher)

<Ragey> vertical levels are the zsnes of smw

<p4plus2> !ar 4am anyways sleep time
(the real command is !ar 4m)

<> Hi I'm the real Ersanio. Two weeks ago I was kidnapped and have been impersonated by someone else. The authorities busted the kidnappers and I'm messaging from an internet cafe in turkey right now.

<Eevee> i can't wait till a fucking 10 year old appears at alcaro's house and tries to kill him with a fidget spinner
<Alcaro> i'll kill him back with a fly swatter
<Medic> alcaro would die
<Gloomy> he'd run the antivirus instead of calling the cops
<Gloomy> so yea he'd die
<Alcaro> beep.

<Name removed> The higher powers of this internet-based room for conversations prefer to dress themselves as members of the opposite sex and are very unpleasant

<DragonDePlatino> If i want runtime performance, I go with C/C++. If I need to write it quick, I go with Python. If I need some amorphous language that is neither quick to write nor quick to run I will slip in the bathtub then decide to use Java.

<AnonymousKoala> im still being sent questions
<AnonymousWalrus> koala what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow
<AnonymousKoala> not fast enough to destroy the holograms that the government put up to fake 9/11

<Alcaro> [irrelevant], which automatically gives you +50 shitposter points
<DrTapeworm> how many points does actually throwing shit at people in real life give you
<Gloomy> that's shittossing not shitposting
<Alcaro> depends on what you aim for
<Gloomy> now, if you actually posted shit into the mail then ye, that'd be 500 shitposter points
<Alcaro> if you aim for the signpost, I'm gonna count it as shitposting
<Alcaro> that too
* Alcaro emails needsmorejpeged cow feces to gloomy
* Gloomy emails a Windows 95 CD to Alcaro
<Gloomy> :]
<Alcaro> neat, free viruses

<gbreeze> new custom block! Use this to reverse the gravity in your hack. Folder comes with 3 uberasm patches, level_asm code, 3 blocks, 2 sprites, a custom patch, a word document that explains the block in 3000 words or less, a jpeg image created in Ms Paint that shows where to place the blocks without crashing the rom, a new version of asar, 6 custom songs, lunar magic 1.0 and windows 7

<ThePat545> have you been living under a dwayne johnson

<PKstarship> humans are like deluxe monkeys

<Erik> EEVEE
<Eevee> take it to the car wash
<Erik> ah alright thanks

<Hobz> the only thing i love more than mario is being right on the internet

<blm> zsnes users are the flatearthers of emulation

<Karlton> donald trump's hair for president

<Qwoll> AH, lets sing something else
<ThePat545> never gonna give you up
<Alcaro> for once i agree with qwoll
<Alcaro> okay i no longer do

<MayGuy> u walk into drex's house and the first thing u see is him jacking off in front of his computer to 256 different sprites of questionably drawn anime babes rotating at different speeds
<ThePat545> the plot twist is that he's getting off from the number 256 and not the anime girls

<My brother> Finnish is just Danish in Japanese

(talking about music)
<VitorVilela> 3/4 > 6/8
<VitorVilela> that's a fact
<Alcaro> 3/4 = 6/8 = 0.75 and I will never figure out what your russian math means.
<Jimmy52905> music = russian math?
<Jimmy52905> sure why not
<Alcaro> it's crazy therefore it's russian
<Alcaro> completely logical

<LucasRCD> I need someone to make me a tutorial on how to kidnap an ASM god
<LucasRCD> Is one of the steps selling my soul to Kieran and praying to Alcaro every night?

<idol> h
<Hinalyte> h
<Eevee> h
<Archie> h
<Alcaro> ħ
<Noivern> h
<lx5> h
<Tyty> h
<Erik> h
<leod> h
<nameless> h
<Alcaro> #staff: quality conversation
<Hinalyte> excuse me, this conversation is at top quality
<Archie> excuse me, this conversation is at top quality
<nameless> excuse me, this conversation is at top quality
<Noivern> excuse me, this conversation is at top quality
<FPzero> h
<Eevee> excuse me, this quality is at top conversation
<Nimono> h

<My brother> "The sky outside was a great black ceiling, which was full of blood."

<Eevee> your timezone is ugly
<Eevee> i hope it dies
<Eevee> and then causes a rift in time and space
<Eevee> then destroys the universe

<Ragey> typing nonsense assembly will summon alcaro
<Ragey> best be careful with that

<Dan> erik code me a boss that sjfksiwjjdkakdowke837u4rkisjeiw and then dies

<Holo> the earth is flat, space time is just bending it

<SubconsciousEye> tfw bored
<Tob> just dont be bored lol
<SubconsciousEye> tfw too lazy to unbored

<Ruberjig> What if i woke up with leods left leg magi's right arm and alcaro's stomach
<Ruberjig> I had a dream like that but it was family members

<ThePat545> zek I am literally going to make you hate phillips screwdrivers in ways you don't want to find out

<Name removed> I really fucking hate little kids
<Name removed> I definitely couldn't be a pedophile because I can't fucking stand being around them longer than 10 minutes

<Magikey> Shit auto correct, keeps correcting Alvaro to Alvaro
<Magikey> *Alcaro to Alvaro

<Alcaro> !ar loldead
<AlcaRobot> Last activity was 648 hours ago by FL4SHK. (<FL4SHK> true.)

<Izuna> snn, shove a $DE up your ass so the fantastic sound of your farts can make your buttocks shake so hard the people next to you can hear it

<SNN> shove a $DD up your ass so that the majestic sound of your shit bends all the way down to the fucking floor

<Nova> fl4shk snorts bananas

<Hyper> my mom paid for winrar
<Hyper> lmao
<Hyper> not joking, I was legitimately confused when I didn't see the evaluation copy popup

<underway> dude what the actual fuck
<underway> I just got an email simply titled "this is the SUV of toilets"

<Eevee> can you kill the children
<Eevee> i hope you can kill the children

<Markov-me> Help
<Markov-me> i'm nice

<Devann> You see, Mario Kart is like a game of chess.
<Devann> Where one team has 11 pieces under their control, and you have your pawn.
<Devann> And that's it.

<LadiesMan217> Ugh, damn auto cucumber

<Vitor_Vilela> Kieran shut up server once again
<Vitor_Vilela> shut off*

<Name removed> But it's still more broken than the number eight.

<Name removed> Ok so I read the rules and you can't mute me for being annoying, or your just abusing you power's

<MarioBros980> You’re a stray muncher!

<Jimmy> why can't all emulators have built-in debuggers by default
<Raidenthequick> cause that'd make our lives easier
<Raidenthequick> don't you want to suffer?

<danwaleby> Ever wonder why cotton candy grapes taste so good? I know. They are filled with microscopic nanobots that are controlled remotely. Eating one grape won't contain enough bots to flourish. But after eating a whole bag they start to cling to each other and create a signal to the remote holder. They can be signalled to do anything from clinging together to create a heart attack to rushing to your brain stem and creating a stroke. They have addictive qualities, causing the user to desperately seek more, and go into a panic when the store stops selling them for the year.
<danwaleby> Don't be another file folder in the system
<Big_Brawler> what if pigeons are actually grapes? Think about it. They could just be species of grapes. Or what if grapes are a species of pigeons? what if grapes/pigeons are genetically modified grapes pigeons?

<Name removed> I dreamed that I thwarted an alien invasion by playing dumb. I acted like I basically shut down and just sat there and didn't react to anything, until they forgot about me and started discussing their plans. In front of me.

<Allie> I think Trump is a cutey and should be added into smash ultimate. His final smash can be grabbing the opponent by the junky wunk
<Allie> And a taunt can be "I'm gonna build a wall" as he shakes his tooshi at the opponent
<Alcaro> even on the boys?
<Allie> Well yeah

<Nova> I'm addicted to my phone and I'm injecting 100 phones into my bloodstream, I have to hunt down nokias to grind them up and snort them

<Vitor Vilela> i guess I could go with a bf hardawre
<p4plus2> your hardware is your boyfriend...when were you gonna tell us Vitor?1
<FL4SHK> ^
<Alcaro> you didn't know already?
<Vitor Vilela> it's Alcaro's ex
<Alcaro> though I thought his hardware was female
<Alcaro> maybe it's transgender
<p4plus2> hardware trap.
<Hyper> 👀
<Vitor Vilela> yeah

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<blm> zsnes users are the flatearthers of emulation

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