this is a collection of funny (see: embarrasingly old) pics and copypastas i've collected over the years.
From the overzealous, but casually assholish cashier to the insane menu slang and ordering procedure, to the unsettling feeling that every Starbucks is trying to hide how white it feels to be inside one, how could Starbucks not be Macklemore?
Like Starbucks, everything about Macklemore is innately imperfect, yet he tries so hard to cover up his biggest frailties. His wokeness and creativity are well-intentioned, but they usually evoke the same “what the fuck is going on here?” reaction that seeing a Chicken Sausage & Bacon Biscuit on the Starbucks menu would. In fact, the experience becomes so over-the-top, that you always end up leaving with a Venti Chilled Blonde Roast, Double Caf Espresso when all you really wanted was a fucking simple cup of coffee.
Thanos spoke honestly. “I seek balance. By killing the half the universe, we can preserve peace. Will you join me?” he inquired.
The bald man burst into a fit of laughter. “Ah, that is your folly. You believe halving the universe will halt its growth. No, we have to wipe the slate clean. And if you intend to stand in my way,” Mr. Clean said, Magic Eraser in hand, “I’ll clean you like a stain on a kitchen counter.”
Soulja Boy is asking you to understand the fact that Zaytoven is either 1. His bestfriend and/or “homie” or 2. His Lover. Most people believe that it is the later one because he has apparently been having sex with him continually and for all of the time in the future.
I hope that one day the human species is cleansed from the biosphere; every entity that wields abstract thought perishes. It is only then, the Earth will continue to spin on its axis, unscathed by human interaction and its self-absorbed goals of technological advancement.
Keith Cozart is saying here that he enables subtitles on all his visual media, mainly due to the possibility of the strong marijuana (as well as possibly other illicit substances) he has consumed, in conjunction with the loud bass waves emanating from his theatre quality sound system, contributing to the inability to discern dialogue. If you’d likely clarification just let me know.
im not your twin motherfucker, i will fucking gouge your eyes out and sautee them over a medium heat and make a red wine jus and a side of honey glazed duck breast and feed you to my fentanyl raised fighting pigeons. Dont fuck with me bitch, im built different.
Man, chickens are a fucking menace. If they were human sized, they'd be a fucking apex predator. My grandpa used to have a ranch, and the cows, sheep, horses, even the bulls were pretty chill. But the fucking roosters were always such cunts, they always bullied the cats and our dog. Those fucking talons are sharp, and they hurt like hell, especially since they often get riled up for no reason.
I know that the gooses and ostriches are the sterotypical "asshole" birds, but the fucking roosters are straight up demon spawn. It's no surprise those things descended from dinosaurs.
My fellow Americans, it is with great sadness that I must report that Bofa has collapsed. Many have asked me: “What’s Bofa?”, to which I respond: “Bofa Deez Towers”. I can say with full conviction that deez attacks were not bussin fr; we will find the people responsible for this evil act, and bring them to justice. No cap
Look if someone's gonna slam some Peggy then the abs need to be bare. It's common knowledge. I tried to keep my shirt on when listening to veteran and Peggy himself came to my house, slapped me to force me to expose my sick muscles (very sexy), and gave me a heart-warming smile with a twinkle in his eye... I miss that man.
Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a single-player slice of life adventure game that follows the journey of anthropomorphic dog Isabella. The game begins with a middle-aged Isabella being taken into police custody following a DWI. She is informed by an officer that this is her third offense, and she is eligible for a prison sentence. While taking blood tests, a lab technician notices an abnormality and sends the blood sample to a local hospital for testing. Isabella is diagnosed with fourth stage Hodgkin’s lymphoma. In her desperation, Isabella attempts to reconnect with her children. Her son, Alexander, refuses to speak to her. He is the mayor of a small town in New England, and his mother’s frequent legal troubles have often caused his political career major backlash. Isabella has a difficult time tracking down her daughter from behind bars, but eventually learns she has moved to the Southwest and works with her husband aiding Native American NGOs. Her daughter also refuses to speak with her, resenting her for allowing her father to abandon the family when she was six. Isabella’s lymphoma grows worse, and she begins chemotherapy. Isabella is sentence to one year in prison. As she grows frailer and frailer, she spends her nights crying and thinking about the harm she had caused her children. Finally, the doctors tell Isabella that her lymphoma has gone into remission. As her sentence draws nearer to the end, Isabella reflects on the life she wants to live going forward. She swears off alcohol, and partying, and all her other vices. As she walks out the prison gates, she is hit by a drunk driver and instantly killed. No one shows up at her funeral, and she is buried in silence. One man watches from afar. That night he sits down by Isabella’s grave and weeps. He is Doge, Isabella’s ex-husband. He regrets leaving her and the children. But he knows nothing can be done. He spends the night by her graveside, and when dawn arrives, he walks away into the rising sun.
