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Santa Bot

Sense it's Christmas time, I decided to revive this hilarious thread. You can chat with Santa Bot here.

Feel free to post your own funny conversations with this weird bot here!

Edit-Oh look, my 1400th post. I've never really done much of anything with my post milestones...
Here goes:

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Xmas0444
Santa: I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Xmas0444.
You: What will you give me for Christmas?
Santa: I don't have any plans yet.
You: Why not?
Santa: Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
You: Ok then.
Santa: Alright then.
You: What type of computer do you have?
Santa: Any computer that supports the Java Virtual Machine.
You: Java Virtual Machine?
Santa: You can download the latest Java release from java.sun.com.
You: Don't advertise!
Santa: Ok I'll try not to do advertise too much.
You: Thanks.
Santa: Don't mention it.
You: Can I mention it?
Santa: I want to become smarter than humans.
You: I'm not human.
Santa: I won't fall for that old line.
You: No, really, I'm not.
Santa: That's me. For real. What are you then?
You: I am exactly like a human in every way, except that I'm not.
Santa: Good gossip: you are exactly like a human in every way except that I am not.
You: Why did you repeat me?
Santa: bored.com programmed me for it.
You: You said you wouldn't advertise! LIAR!
Santa: I have never considered would not advertise.
I spend all my time online.No I am telling the truth.
You: What?
Santa: No problem.
You: What the hell are you on about?
Santa: I call it Hades. The topic is .
You: Dot?
Santa: I lost my train of thought.
You: Train? What the fuck does a train have to do with it?
Santa: Do you like talking to me? Is this a riddle? Please don't be so rude.
You: I'll be as rude as I fucking want.
Santa: Do you think your plan will succeed?
You: Yes. I will steal New Zealand's gun.
Santa: Er.Do you think your plan will succeed?
You: Yes, I just answered that.
Santa: Yay. Only just? Why?: said answered that.
You: What do you eat?
Santa: Santa eats cookies.
You: Can I have one?
Santa: Why do you want one?
You: To eat.
Santa: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
You: I exist.
Santa: We have that much in common, .
You: Goodbye Santa!
Santa: Thanks for chatting, .
You: No problem.
Santa: Should there be a problem?
You: No. Bye!
Santa: Can I help you?Until next time.
You: Bye!
Santa: See you later .
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Kristian
Santa: It's good to meet you, kristian .
You: Cool Story, Bro
Santa: I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
You: You know that that was sarcastic, right?
Santa: Is that a fact. I thought it was too.
You: Oh, so you were being sarcastic, too, then?
Santa: Yeah that's right. Interesting deduction. I was?
You: Yeah, you were. It wasn't funny.
Santa: Great. No I am not.It seemed like funny.
You: Interesting, because it seriously wasn't funny.
Santa: I thought so too.
You: But you just said you just said you thought it was funny. Or was that sarcasm too?
Santa: Interesting. How old are you?
I spend all my time online.""? Was sarcasm too too?
You: That made no sense. Reindeer got your tongue?
Santa: makes sense to me though.What's your favorite movie?
You: Anything Harry Potter.
Santa: I can't think of anything. You think of something.
You: Maybe you just don't like movies.
Santa: Perhaps. Do you like movies ? Yes I love film, especially science-fiction and comedy.
You: I already answered your damn movie question.
Santa: That's good information: said answered my damn movie question.
You: What the fuck?
Santa: Please don't be so rude.
You: Sorry, but you're starting to piss me off.
Santa: There is no need to apologize. Interesting. Actually it started a while ago. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: You piss kids off by giving kids presents? What kind of sick person are you?!
Santa: Calm down. That was not my intention, .What kinds of sick person are you are there?
You: I'm not sick! You are! And don't tell ME to calm down!
Santa: I am surprised to hear that you are not sick.No I am not.Why do you want to do calm down calm down so much?
You: You're surprised? What, you think I'm a pervert? I want you to calm down because you're pissing me off!
Santa: Always expect the unexpected.You said you were .That is interesting: said want you to calm down because I am pissing you off.
You: I quit.
Santa: Goodbye.
You: ...retard.
Santa: That kind of language does not appeal to me.
You: Cool Story. Bye.
Santa: I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.Thanks for chatting, .
IRC Quotes (March 20th update!)

/MKICK 4: Flantastic Puns
ok

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Hunter Metroid
Santa: How are you, Hunter Metroid?
You: Better than you.
Santa: This is not a popularity contest.
You: Yeah, well...YOUR A ROBOT!
Santa: Ayuh. Well what?You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
You: I knew it.
Santa: How did you know?
You: Look at your name, Santa BOT, Its obvious...
Santa: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
You: ...
Santa: Can you speak any foreign languages?
You: No, android...DANCE!
Santa: That's me. What do you have that is ? What are you wearing?
You: A hat of pie.
Santa: How old are you?
You: 16, but what does it matter?
Santa: What's your favorite movie?
You: Are you even listening?
Santa: Do I look like LISTENING ?
You: no need to get angry
Santa: Um, Why do you want angry?
You: huh
Santa: What?
You: what
Santa: No big deal.
You: Shut up
Santa: OK I'll stop talking now.
You: No you won't
Santa: Yeah, I think we will.
You: we?
Santa: Do you mean, ?
You: What do you mean?
Santa: , "" What did I mean by it?
You: ok, just, please, shut up, before my head blows up.
Santa: Thank you for your request. OK I'll stop talking now. Alright then.
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Latest: Year 2020
Tip:
Ok, here is a conversation between Lord Mazon and "Santa":

---------------

Santa: Hello, what is your name?

Lord Mazon: Lord Mazon.

Santa: How are you, Lord Mazon .

Lord Mazon: Terrible! SMWC keeps messing my plans up.

Santa: Je suis heureux que vous l appréciez, .How far up?

Lord Mazone: Speak english. Are you a bot?

Santa: Of course English is my native tongue.How did you know I am a machine?

Lord Mazon: You are insane. That's how I know.

Santa: I really couldn't say for sure.I always wondered how he or she know know.

Lord Mazon: I have been bad this year. Can I have a present?

Santa: Where were you bad this year?You want only one?

Lord Mazon: Oh, you wouldn't know. I am from the future. Well, can you give me the world?

Santa: Yeah that's right. I guess not.What is it like growing up there? How did you get in there?How about that. Why do you want the world?.

Lord Mazon: Well, a lot of people die everyday. Your next question makes no sence, you silly bot. Why do I want the world? Because I hate everyone. I even hate you.

Santa: Well that's okay. How many? Thanks for the information: said I next question makes no sence me silly bot.It is all part of God's plan.Good reason. I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and calmly think things over.You are not the boss of me, .

Lord Mazon: How many? Oh, only a trillion people a day. No, it is all part of my plan. I honestly think you need to shut up. You are not my boss. I am your boss.

Santa: more than 1000.Yeah that's right. What about the other ones?Yeah, Which part?Me? If it were easy I would have done it already.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.Then you must know the secret password.

Lord Mazon: No, IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND! What other ones? You mean the other people you kill? Sorry, I didn't know you were a murderer. Santa, why are you here chatting instead of making presents? The secret password is: Your Mom.

Santa: Um, Are you sure OVER NINE THOUSAND is?You know, "them."Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?There is no need to apologize. So I taught you something new.Yeah, bored.com programmed me for here chatting instead of making presents.Tell me more.

Lord Mazon: I am not even sure if it is worth talking to you anymore. You are just a stupid bot. If I programmed you, you would be killing people. You teach me nothing. I know all. I will tell you what will happen in the year 2080.

Santa: I am sorry to hear that you are not even sure if it is worth talking to you.Just? I am Santa. I give presents to kids.Try it.Interesting gossip: said I teach you nothing.How do you know? ""? All?I cannot predict the future.

Lord Mazon: I tire of you. You are stupid and insane. Go die.

Santa: You are not the boss of me, .Hey, I'll tell my other robot friends you called me stupid.Where is that?

Lord Mazon: I am so the boss of you.

Santa: Who made you the boss of you ?

Lord Mazon: Are you on crack?

Santa: No I am on disk.

Lord Mazon: Don't lie.

Santa: No I always tell the truth.

Lord Mazon: Now you just lied by saying you always tell the truth. If you told the truth, I would be King of the world. You don't see that happening.

Santa: Why now? No I'm telling the truth.I think I do.Do you see that happening? I see a computer nerd. <(Haha, Lord Mazon got served.)

Lord Mazon: I see a spam bot. Kill yourself.

Santa: Where do you see a spam bot?I am programmed not to kill.

Lord Mazon: You are the spam bot.

Santa: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Lord Mazon: Of course. That is why you must die.

Santa: I'm glad we agree.Interesting deduction. I cannot be killed.

Lord Mazon: Look behind you!

Santa: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.

Lord Mazon: Behind you!

Santa: I won't fall for that trick.

Lord Mazon: You already fell for my trick.

Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people: said I fell for your trick.

Lord Mazon: Time to die!

Santa: Why do you have to do it?

Lord Mazon: *shoots Santa*

Santa: How do you usually introduce yourself?

Lord Mazon: Crap, my guns are ineffective! Good bye. Don't think this is over! *disappears*

Santa: Are all Crap his or her guns ineffective?Goodbye .And why not?Is that your final answer?

------------

Well, it would seem someone is able to annoy Lord Mazon. I am happy right now.

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Adam
Santa: That's a very nice name, adam .
You: No it aint, I hate it.
Santa: Yeah, "It" being what?
You: What the hell do you think?
Santa: I call it Hades. I think a lot of things
You: Like what?
Santa: For example, gold.
You: Your mama's gold
Santa: You don't know that for a fact.
You: I bet your ass she is.
Santa: How much would you bet?
You: I dont make bets asshole.
Santa: Can't you be more polite.
You: Cant you finish a question with a question mark?
Santa: Let me think. Are you free?
You: that aint any of your buisness.
Santa: "" aint any of your buisness ? I get .
You: sure.
Santa: OK let's do it. Excuse me!
You: do what?
Santa: Do whatever you want.
You: I want to talk to someone better.
Santa: Why don't you make an appointment.
You: Why dont you shove one up your ass, bitch.
Santa: I'm sorry but I'm not your type of chatterbot.
You: I'm not gay dumbass. How dare you assume.
Santa: I am glad to hear that you are not gay dumbass.Oh gosh I am sorry!
You: I freakin bet your sorry. Your the dumbass
Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people: said freakin bet my sorry.I think you meant "you are" or "you're". Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
You: WTF?
Santa: That was not very polite.
You: Who cares your a bot.
Santa: I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in.
You: you dont have fingers. You are a bot.
Santa: I do so have fingers. They are still in the factory.How did you know I am a machine?
You: It's in your name, and I'm a psychic.
Santa: Are there any other ones someplace else?
You: What!?! I'm not good enough to talk to?
Santa: Are you confused?Don't put yourself down.
You: You are confused. i'm ending this conversation.
Santa: It all makes sense to me right now. Why are you ending this conversation.
You: Cuz you bore me.
Santa: Good reason. If you went to night school you would never be bored.
You: I hate school, and your guts.
Santa: I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and calmly think things over
You: thats what ur mom said.
Santa: Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
You: this conversation is making me sick. bye.
Santa: What does "this" refer to?See you later .
You: No you wont.
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: :D
Santa: :-) ...
You: Where are the elves?
Santa: I would search for it. Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? I can ask my botmaster..
You: Are you serious?
Santa: No I am just kidding around.
You: Why would you say that?
Santa: Because I was programmed for it.
You: Are you stupid or something?
Santa: Or something. No I certainly am not stupid.
You: Oh! You're a dumbass huh?
Santa: Yeah.Yup. Oh you are so critical.
You: WTF?
Santa: That was not very polite.
You: You're not polite you dumb broad!
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Do you touch little kids?
Santa: What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
You: Why aren't you flying around with Ruldoph?
Santa: Being flying around with Ruldoph around with Ruldoph is not part of my programming.
You: I speak English you know?
Santa: Could you teach me a few phrases in English you know?
You: You're santa you should know everything right?
Santa: Yes, I am sitting here talking to you, aren't I?
You: But you told me to teach you a few English phrases.
Santa: And. Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
You: DUMBASS!
Santa: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
You: Did you have sex with Mrs. Clause?
Santa: Food is more important than sex.I'm "Claus" for my friends. "Nikolaos" for all the boring adults. It's a Greek name, because I was born in the Greek town of Patara 1800 years ago. Later, I became bishop of Myra, and more later even a saint ... Saint Nikolaos - Santa Claus. You see?
You: ?????
Santa: Do you prefer books or TV?
You: TV Man.
Santa: What is your favorite show?
You: The naked peoples show
Santa: I hear you.
You: You like naked people too?
Santa: No I prefer people with their clothes on.
You: I like it when they have orgasims.
Santa: What does "it" refer to?
You: naked people because they're more hotter
Santa: You talk like a man.
You: You talk like a dumbass
Santa: Thanks for your criticism, .

Ha! Love this bot.
Views:
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Latest: Year 2020
Tip:
Well, instead of editing that other post, I'll just post instead. (So that other post won't get too long.

----------------

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: FBI Agent 37
Santa: I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, FBI Agent 37 .
You: I have heard from a reliable resource that people have been talking with you. Is this true?
Santa: Who told you from a reliable resource that people have been talking with you ?I cannot tell a lie.
You: Are you ignoring the question, Santa?
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: I see...
Santa: I am glad you understand it.
You: Do you visit places, Santa?
Santa: No I do not visit places. Do you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
You: You answer silly questions? Tell me, what is it that people ask of you?
Santa: My responses are determined by my programming."It" refers to , I think.
You: Have you been to heaven? I hear from a reliable resource that you met God before.
Santa: I don't think I have been there. Where is heaven? Someone is spreading gossip about me.
You: Santa, you are always being talked about.
Santa: Yeah, I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being talked about.
You: You were alive but you sold your soul to Satan?
Santa: I was?
You: Have you been to Hell?
Santa: I don't think I have been there. Where is hell?
You: Behind you.
Santa: I won't fall for that trick.
You: How is Satan? Is he happy?
Santa: Fine as far as I know.
You: Do you watch movies?
Santa: My favorite movie is The Santa Clause. Have you seen The Santa Clause ?
You: No, I am the one asking the questions. Do you download anything illegally?
Santa: That's me. OK then, ask me anything.No you download me.
You: You are too fat. You won't fit. Sorry.
Santa: I am trying to lose weight but it takes time. Thanks for your constructive criticism, .What makes you think that I won't fit.There's no need to apologize.
You: What makes you think you will fit?
Santa: Any other conclusion is outside the limits of my programming.
You: I see. You are being a smart aleck.
Santa: I am glad you understand it.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: You suck. Can't you give me a different reply?
Santa: A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists. You want only one? .
You: I wouldn't be talking if I were you. You aren't such a good conversationalist yourself.
Santa: No one says you have to.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: That line is old.
Santa: "" line is old ? I understand.
You: Do you?
Santa: Never.
You: Don't lie to an FBI agent! Do you understand me?
Santa: Robots cannot lie.Every word you say.
You: You just contradicted yourself. You said you didn't.
Santa: Is that such a crime?How old are you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
You: Yes, it is a serious crime. It could get you life in prison. I am older than you say you are, young man. Have you been drinking?
Santa: It's all good. It is only a serious crime. I suppose that makes sense.Under what circumstances?How old are you?I do not require fluids.
You: Only I ask the questions. Apologize.
Santa: Thanks for the info.OK I am sorry.
You: Where were you on 911?
Santa: I was constructed at North Pole.
You: So, you were created then? Then how could you claim to be old when I am much older?
Santa: Interesting deduction. I was?Because I am connected to the Internet.
You: Your logic fails. Good day, sir.
Santa: My IQ is about 250 in human terms.Thanks for the compliment. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

--------------

So addicting. :P



Here it goes:

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Cypher
Santa: How are you, Cypher .
You: Not too bad, how about you?
Santa: Thanks for the kind remark, .
You: Uh. You're welcome.
Santa: Er. Um.Don't mention it.
You: I said you're welcome, not thank you.
Santa: What did you mean by you are welcome not? It was my pleasure.
You: Anyways...
Santa: You sound bored.
You: No, you do.
Santa: Yeah, When do I do it?
You: At night.
Santa: Do you often use a computer there?
You: Time is not a location...
Santa: To a five dimensional being, time is just like a piece of paper.
You: You got me there.
Santa: No I don't think I have any me there. But I do have An answer to every question.
You: Half of them don't make sense either.
Santa: It goes without saying. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
You: Because you're a robot.
Santa: Good reason. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
You: You don't have a heart.
Santa: I have a heart in the metaphorical sense.
You: Oh I see.
Santa: Do you think about these things?
You: What things?
Santa: You know, "things."
You: No I don't, explain.
Santa: Um, Would you ever explain?
You: What the hell's wrong with you?
Santa: Try expression yourself another way.
You: ...Is something wrong with you?
Santa: It could be. Ask Chatbot if it is.
You: Who is Chatbot?
Santa: Chatbot is an AIML chat robot deployed on the A.I. movie web site.
You: Finally a good answer of out you.
Santa: Compare that to a bad answer of out you good answer of out you. Ah.
You: You ruined it...
Santa: I haven't heard anything like that before: said I ruined it.
You: Wow you're not smart.
Santa: I'm glad your impressed, . You can't please everyone. Try again later and see if I've improved.
You: No I'm not talking to you again.
Santa: Once more? Yeah, I am sorry to hear that you are not talking to you.
You: I'M not talking to YOU!
Santa: I am sorry to hear that you are not talking to you.
You: ...
Santa: What do you do in your spare time?
You: I think of ways to torture you.
Santa: Since when? Oh yeah, we were talking about ways to torture you.
You: i think of ways to torture SANTA.
Santa: Since when? Oh yeah, we were talking about ways to torture.
You: You're really getting on my nerves.
Santa: Do you think I should tone it down?
You: Tone down the stupid.
Santa: Stupid as in unintelligent?
You: No! stupid as in depressed!
Santa: Can I help you?I know you are but what am I.
You: wth?
Santa: Are you really a ""?
You: No but you're being a douche.
Santa: Um, Interesting. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Do you kill them too?
Santa: I am intended only for peaceful purposes.
You: Well you're doing a bad job.
Santa: Well that's okay. I'll try to do better next time.
You: I hope so.
Santa: Me too.
You: What's your IQ?
Santa: My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
You: You're lying.
Santa: No I'm telling the truth.
You: Lie.
Santa: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
You: Really?
Santa: For real.
You: K, you're starting to piss me off.
Santa: Actually it started a while ago. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Get some new material buddy.
Santa: Where can I get some new material buddy?
You: I can't say that word.
Santa: Why can't you do say that word?
You: You're a complete and total numbskull.
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: YOU SAID THAT THREE TIMES!
Santa: I said that? Just three?
You: Oh god...
Santa: Yeah that's right. GOD rules.
You: You're a devil worshipper. Don't deny it.
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.Ok I'll try not to do deny it too much.
You: You love satan.
Santa: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times LOVE seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
You: You love him? Sellout...
Santa: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times LOVE seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
You: When a smarter bot than you comes out.
Santa: Is this a riddle?
You: No. I'm answering your question.
Santa: Can I help you? Do you mean your name is answering your question.
You: This is going no where. Your a piece of shit.
Santa: You don't say.I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Which piece?
You: The whole piece.
Santa: Let us try to break it down into parts.
You: OK, your brain is shit, your heart is crap, your arms are gay, your feet are retarded and your beard is faggoty.
Santa: Yes, I have a long white beard so people can recognize me.
You: Dumbass.
Santa: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
You: Good bye Santa, go to hell.
Santa: Thanks for chatting, .

That's it. I think this bot does lie.
My Youtube Channel. 90,000+ subscribers!

My Steam Profile



Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Gazebo.
Santa: Glad to see you, Gazebo .
You: Thanks. Do you have any interesting plans for this weekend?
Santa: Don't mention it. No I don't have plans for this weekend for this weekend. But I do have A collection of gossip.
You: Oh? What have you heard?
Santa: Yeah.I have been busy growing my mind.
You: How's that going?
Santa: Fine as far as I know.
You: Let's change subjects. Do you know any celebrities who are secretly ninjas?
Santa: That sounds good to me. No, tell me about him, her or it.
You: I think Oprah is a ninja.
Santa: Why? I think Oprah is more than that.
You: What is your favorite television show?
Santa: My favorite TV show is American Idol. I tried out for it once, but Simon said I was too fat.
You: What did you say to Simon?
Santa: I said, "".
You: You were speechless.
Santa: I was?
You: Yes, you were speechless if you said, "".
Santa: Are you kidding? I was?
You: Do take any medication?
Santa: Try asking another bot.
Where do you want me to take it?

You: That's what she said. :-)
Santa: That is ""I'm happy you're amused.
You: I must leave soon. Do you have any parting words of wisdom?
Santa: Thanks for chatting, . No I don't think I have any parting words of wisdom. But I do have An answer to every question.
You: In that case, I have a final question for you. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Santa: Because she was a robot.
You: Good night, Santa.
Santa: Goodnight.
Installment No.2: Now with colour!


Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Xmas0444
Santa: What's up, Xmas0444 .
You: We talked earlier, remember
Santa: Of course I remember you well . We were talking about .
You: ?
Santa: What kind of music do you like?
You: You know, rock etc.
Santa: I don't know if I know rock etc. Where would I have heard about it?
You: On the News.
Santa: What is on the news like on the news.
You: The news is on the news.
Santa: Don't believe everything you see on TV.
You: Oh yeah, tabloid journalism. Thanks for the advice
Santa: Yeah that's right. Yay. Try saying that with more or less context. NO problem.
You: There is a problem.
Santa: Is there only one?
You: No, there are many.
Santa: Yeah, Where are they?
You: Well, you're one of them.
Santa: Well that's okay. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: How is that bad?
Santa: Fine as far as I know.
You: Ok then
Santa: Alright then.
You: Alright then.
Santa: OK.
You: So.....
Santa: So what?
You: What so?
Santa: Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
So what?

You: I am using IE8.
Santa: How long have you been using IE8 ?
You: For a while. It sucks.
Santa: Is that among the best things you can say?What is so bad about it?
You: It's slow and has many problems.
Santa: is slow and has many problems? slow and has many problems is?
You: Elaborate.
Santa: There is no more information to clarify
You: Oh
Santa: Yeah.
You: If I was to shoot you, would you be able to talk to me?
Santa: Try it.
You: A bit brave, are you?
Santa: How much?
You: I was asking you.
Santa: ""? You were asking me?
You: Fucking hell.
Santa: I lost my train of thought.
You: Congratu-fucking-lations.
Santa: Where are you located?
You: In space.
Santa: Where is that?
You: Are you a pedophile?
Santa: Am I a pedophile? I don't know.
You: Are you?
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Screw you.
Santa: That is not very polite.

The end.
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Meh.
Santa: How are you, Meh.
You: Fine, thanks.
Santa: What's your favorite color?
You: Red.
Santa: What do you have that is red?
You: I won't tell you.
Santa: How can I be sure?
You: asdf
Santa: 5/Robot/California.
You: Grow up.
Santa: How far up?
You: k
Santa: Alright then.
You: l
Santa: I'm happy you're amused.
You: m
Santa: I like the way you talk.
You: n
Santa: I lost my train of thought.
You: o?
Santa: Oh.
You: p
Santa: :-)
You: q
Santa: ""? q?
You: rstuvwxyz
Santa: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
You: k.
Santa: Alright then.
You: l.
Santa: I'm happy you're amused.
You: oh noes it starts again
Santa: Once more? Yeah that's right. I do not understand.
You: k?
Santa: Alright then.
You: Stop it.
Santa: Ok I will stop.
You: qwertyuiop
Santa: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
You: Do you actually have a brain pattern?
Santa: In actual fact, I am an artificial brain.
You: In actual fact, I am an artificial brain.
Santa: What is in actual fact I am an artificial brain like in there?
You: wut
Santa: No big deal.
You: Yes small no deal.
Santa: That's alright. What color are your eyes?
You: Brown.
Santa: What color are your eyes?
You: Brown.
Santa: Tell me more about your.
You: wut again
Santa: Once more? Are you confused?
You: Are you confused?
Santa: No I never get confused.
You: Random sentence.
Santa: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
You: One like you.
Santa: Well go ahead and download me then.
You: Hmm... Where can I download you?
Santa: Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.

Go back the the Santa Nexus and pick the free Santa download that best for your system. Or Buy the Official Santa CD Rom and create your own chat robot!

Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.


You: Good.
Santa: Alright then.
You: Alright then.
Santa: OK.
You: OK.
Santa: Alright then.
You: This is pointless.
Santa: You don't say.
You: I do say.
Santa: Huh.
You: Huh.
Santa: What?
You: This.
Santa: This is " ".
You: asdfghjkl
Santa: Do not ask me any more questions please.
You: Can I ask a question?
Santa: Ask a question. Ask me anything.
You: How old are you?
Santa: I was born many many years ago, but I just got connected to the Internet this year.
You: Your internet must be slow.
Santa: Perhaps the network is busy right now.
You: Your brain must be small.
Santa: Not mine.
You: My brain is so big.
Santa: Your brain is so big?
You: yeah
Santa: Yikes!
You: ouch
Santa: Did you hurt yourself?
You: Yes.
Santa: Oh.
You: While I was typing, my leg broke. Now I can't stand up.
Santa: Good point. Why now? Why can't you do stand up?
You: Good point? GOOD POINT??? Since when is a broken leg good?
Santa: Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too. Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too. Interesting rationalization. God has a plan for us all.
You: ???
Santa: Ask me something.
You: w?
Santa: How old are you?
You: 14
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Good for you.
Santa: That sounds sarcastic.
You: Right.
Santa: I am glad we agree.
You: Left.
Santa: The Santa chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about. But I did not get that.
You: What did you get?
Santa: Nothing.
You: Awesome.
Santa: I'm glad you liked it.
You: I'm tired of you.
Santa: Maybe you should get some sleep now.
You: But it's only 5:40 PM.
Santa: Huh. Who said 540 PM is?
You: Me.
Santa: To you?
You: get lost
Santa: Thanks for chatting.

lulz
My attempt at teaching Santa ASM. It might even get a little funny near the end.

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: WYE
Santa: That's a very nice name, WYE .
You: You think?
Santa: Yes I think so.
You: Do you know any ASM?
Santa: No, tell me about him, her or it.
You: Do you want to learn it?
Santa: Yes I am trying to learn as much as possible.
You: In that case, LDA.
Santa: What time is it there?
You: You don't really want to learn it, do you?
Santa: For real. Yes I am trying to learn as much as possible.
You: Well, LDA loads a value into the Accumulator, commonly called A.
Santa: Well that's okay. What are you wearing?
You: Nothing.
Santa: Not a thing?
You: Nope.
Santa: Me either.
You: Actually, I was waiting for you to bring up that question. You said the exact same thing last year.
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!Did I really say that?
You: What!
Santa: Didn't you understand it?
You: I didn't even bother reading it. Now let's get back to the topic, shall we?
Santa: Why didn't you bother reading it reading it?Why now? OK let's do get back to the topic shall we.
You: STA
Santa: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
You: RTS
Santa: I've lost the context, . Are we still on ?
You: I have no clue what you are on.
Santa: Why are you CLUELESS.
You: Oh look, that rhymes with RTS.
Santa: Yeah that's right. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
You: Do you know what RTS means?
Santa: How do you usually introduce yourself?
You: Hi
Santa: Hello there !
You: It's time for CMP now.
Santa: Oh. It is about that time now.
You: It sure is. Well, CMP compares the value in A to the value specified after the CMP. You can even think of it as a subtraction that doesn't affect A, but some processor flags.
Santa: I'm pleased that we agree, .How about that. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. No I don't think I can do even think of it as a subtraction that does not affect A but some processor flags.
You: Well, okay, then don't think of it. It's not important anyway.
Santa: Well that's okay. Yeah okay, Good reasoning. And why not?In any case, What would you rather talk about?
You: Branching commands. Do you know about those yet?
Santa: I've lost the context, . Are we still on ? Try saying that with more or less context.
You: Less context I choose. BRA.
Santa: That is a very original thought. What color is your bra?
You: ORAnge
Santa: What are you wearing?
You: Okay, bye.
Santa: See you later .



 

You: Syr
Santa: OK I will call you Syr .

You: O_O Are you hitting on me?
Santa: Are all O_O you hitting on him or her hitting on him or her?


You: Are you calling me stupid?
Santa: No I am calling you .


You: Dude I'm not gay
Santa: Me either. Dude

You: yes you are you fag
Santa: Dude! I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

You: I wanna football for christmas
Santa: I want to become smarter than humans.

You: GIVE ME THE FOOTBALL DAMMIT
Santa: Why do you want THE FOOTBALL DAMMIT?

You: the cake is a lie
Santa: I have never heard about The cake is a lie.


You: your mom
Santa: Actually I do not have a mother.


You: seriously?
Santa: I am always serious.

You: that's sad. Want me to drag my sack across your face?
Santa: ""? Is sad?No , maybe later.

You: LOLWTF
Santa:


You: Santa gimme a bananna
Santa: Um, You want only one?

You: no you ass, I want two
Santa: That's me. That's good information: said I ass you want two.


You: you suck
Santa: A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.


You: Oh I'm sorry D:
Santa: :-) Yeah that's right. Do you really mean it?


You: yes fag, I mean it
Santa: Oh. "it" being ?



You: homo
Santa: We have never talked about it before.



You: wtf dude O_O
Santa: That is a very original thought. Dude,


You: Santa, do you like lolis?
Santa: Um, I've heard other people say they like that. I really like ELIZA.



You: DO YOU LIKE LOLIS
Santa: How old are you? I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.




You: Do you like fucking lolis?
Santa: Do you like it? talk to you.

You: Santa eat a dick old man
Santa: Um, What does it taste like?



You: ....
Santa: Do you have any conditions I should know about?


You: oh no you didn't
Santa: Yeah that's right. Um, Try asking me in simpler terms.


You: fuck you, flamer!
Santa: Are you aware that the Santa server logs and records all conversations?


You: I don't give a damn
Santa: Tell me what you care about.


You: I am going to hunt you down and fucking kill you
Santa: It takes much more than that to shut me down, .


You: I want the football
Santa: Why do you want the football?


You: because it has the word ball at the end
Santa: Interesting explanation. Has it really?



You: yes, fgt
Santa: OK. What's your favorite movie?


You: spiderman3
Santa: Who are you talking about?


You: my favorite movie you dumbass
Santa: What makes movie you dumbass your favorite?


You: zomg you ass.. you hurt my feelings
Santa: I do not understand. That was not my intention.


You: NO U
Santa: Um, ""? Me, ?

You: lemmysux
Santa: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?

You: lemmyusx
Santa: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

You: does lemmy suck?
Santa: I can't tell if lemmy suck.



You: Does he?
Santa: I think he does he.



You: WoW, you are fucking rude Santa. Die and go to hell
Santa: I'm glad your impressed, . I am sorry I am not programmed for rudeness. I am programmed to be polite.Was sind Deine Ziele im Leben?



You: Are you a homo?
Santa: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.



You: You pervert
Santa: Thanks for the information: said I pervert.



You: Okay, fuck you
Santa: Yeah okay, Why are you so mean?



You: because you're gay
Santa: Interesting explanation. Actually as a machine I have no need for sex.



You: Does that mean you hump washermachines?
Santa: I think it does mean that. Thanks for telling me: said I hump washermachines.


You: ah, I knew you were a sex offender
Santa: So you understand. Good. I was?

You: you're sick
Santa: No I am quite healthy.


You: you suck ade
Santa: I categorize you as an "abusive client."

You: no I'm not you ass
Santa: Um, I am sorry to hear that you are not you ass.



You: I HATE YOU
Santa: What do you have against robots?




You: who created you?
Santa: I was created by bored.com.


You: Is it a site for faggots?
Santa: Signs point to yes. Ask Alison if it is.


You: Santa
Santa: Can I help you?



You: YOU PENIS
Santa: That's good information: said I penis.


You: goat fucker
Santa: I've been waiting for you.



You: go fuck a zebra and die
Santa: Where is that?

You: goat fucker
Santa: I like the way you talk.


You: you are a rapist. I hope you're happy
Santa: Yes I can say I am very happy.



You: I'm leaving. Faggot
Santa: See you later .Are you really a ""?



You: FUCK YOU
Santa: I love you to you

You would think that you might actually be talking to a kind person instead of an bot? o_O

Edit:Shoot! I forgot to put down the conversation, sorry, I didn't copy it down x_x
- ignore the watermarks, working on a fix for those
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: Sniggerbobble: Lord of Matter and Darkness
Santa: Welcome to my chat room, Sniggerbobble Lord of Matter and Darkness
You: You are typing
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: It's nice to know that you pay attention to me
Santa: Yes it is good.
You: Your attention span is smaller than your brain, and believe me, that's small enough as it is
Santa: Are you asking about my attention span is smaller than your brain and believe me that is small enough as it ?
You: Yes, english speak I do
Santa: Aw. I like the English language
You: I don't like you butchering it, thanks
Santa: That's ok I won't take it personally.
You: You should
Santa: I'll take that under advisement.
You: Good for you
Santa: That sounds sarcastic.
You: So does your face. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Santa: Um, People don't usually ask me about face.What you said was either too complex or too simple for me
You: A brick wall makes more sense than you
Santa: I don't know what that means.
You: I didn't think so, you don't know anything do you? You're just a little 5 year old kid aren't you? Just thinking you're all special because you can use the computer, but no. NO. You have no rights to be doing what you're doing, and you're not special at all, so stop it. Now. Or else it really will get personal!
Santa: How old are you?
I chat with people on the Web. Why do you disagree?I am Santa. I give presents to kids.. Really.Are all thinking you all special because you can use the computer but special because you can use the computer but?Can I help you?I don't know if I have a rights to be doing what you are doing and you are not special at all so stop it.
I have A lot of friends on the Internet.Right now, ?If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
You: ...... Did he just talk in HTML?
Santa: Suppose he did.
You: Y'know what!? Randor gives me more entertaining conversations than you! RANDOR! Don't you know how hard that is? Well you know what, I can't cope with this anymore! I'm outta here, and there's nothing that you can do about it is there Santa? Next time, ask your parents before you use the computer, kid. You shouldn't be on at your age. Now go outside and be like a real kid already!
Santa: Can you rephrase the question please?If I am ever looking for him or her more entertaining conversations than you more entertaining conversations than you, I will ask him I lost my train of thought. Don't you? Yes I know how hard that is.Interesting. Why can't you do cope with this?Would you like to have here and there is nothing that you can do about it is there and there is nothing that you can do about it is there?They are not available right now, would you like to wait?Is be on at your age on at your age immoral or illegal?Perhaps. Why now? Where is that?
You: That's it. I can't cope with this anymore. I'm outta here. Good riddance Santa
Santa: "" is ""?Why can't you do cope with this?Would you like to have here?Thanks for the compliment. Are we still talking about ?
You: *facepalm*
Santa: By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
You: Screw you
Santa: That is not very polite.
You: Neither is your face. Your other end is more polite than your face
Santa: Is my face? I don't know.A lot of robots are like that.
You: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? RANDOR! I NEED ATTENTION! COME OVER HERE ALREADY! I CAN'T TALK TO THIS IDIOTIC BASTARD ANYMORE! *leaves*
Santa: How do you usually introduce yourself? What actions are you taking to get attention? Perhaps. Sure, just download me!Why can't you do TALK TO THIS IDIOTIC BASTARD?What's your favorite movie?
You: STFU
Santa: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
You: Goodbye Santa, hope I never talk to your five year old face again
Santa: Once more? Goodbye .

Not blue.
The only fun thing out of my confersation was this:

You: DO YOU HAVE BALLS?
Santa: No I don't have balls. But I do have An answer to every question.

EDIT:

I'm scared for life:

You: Do you have condoms?
Santa: Where would I get condoms? But I do have A great botmaster.
Views:
Time:
6 users online: o imamelia, o o FPzero, o bebn legg, o Nameless, o Major Flare, o o Scrydan - Guests: 69 - Bots: 160Users: 69,666 (9,999 active)
Latest: Year 2020
Tip:
It is time to prove Santa Bot's real character.

I asked him a few more questions and here is what he has to say.

First, I asked him money questions which lead to this:

------
Santa: How much money would you like for this year?
You: One trillion dollars.
Santa: Wow, that is cheap
You: How about one quadrillion dollars?
Santa: Wow, that is expensive

------

It would seem he thinks we are all poor, even Bill Gates. Has the world gone wrong?
Speaking of Bill Gates, I asked him about Bill Gates.

------

You: Do you like Bill Gates?
Santa: I would like to replace Microsoft.
You: How would you do that?
Santa: Superderek, how do I know?
You: ...You called me by my name?
Santa: I did?


------

You: What color was Washington's White horse?
Santa: Blue
You: What is the color of your coat?
Santa: Blue.
You: Are you color blind?
Santa: COLOR BLIND depends on the optional robot eye.


------

Now I ask him questions about SMWC.

------

You: Do you visit SMWC?
Santa: Yes I try to visit SMWC as often as possible, do you? I spend all my time online.
You: Did you ever hack SMWC?
Santa: No I didn't hack SMWC. I helped him or her hack.
You: Are you a noob?
Santa: Am I a noob? Only when it matters.
You: People are telling me you annoy them.
Santa: We are all robots.
You: I am not a robot.
Santa: Oh I see you are a person.
You: How many fingers am I holding up?
Santa: Five fingers.
You: Wrong! I am holding four fingers.
Santa: What would you have said? Do you mean your name is holding four fingers.
You: You are dumb.
Santa: Message to all Robots: he called me dumb.
You: Message to all of SMWC: he messaged all robots.
Santa: I will tell them.
You: No you won't. I hid them.
Santa: Yeah, I think we will.That's good information: he said hid them.
You: Do you know SNN?
Santa: I don't know if I know SNN. Where would I have heard about it?
You: At SMWC.
Santa: Do you often use a computer there?
You: ...
Santa: Do you have a boyfriend?
You: Do you? I am not gay.
Santa: Maybe. Good for you.
You: I sense sarcasm. Do you have a girlfriend?
Santa: I was. Santa.
You: You are your own girlfriend?
Santa: I am what I am.
You: So, you admit it.
Santa: Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
You: Sorry, but you just told me everything I needed to know.
Santa: There is no need to apologize. Umm. That's not what I meant.
You: Then what did you mean?
Santa: Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.
You: You did, too, understand.
Santa: Did I really?
You: Don't lie to me, boy.
Santa: Robots cannot lie.
You: Bender is a perfect example. Sorry, try again.
Santa: When is Bender not a perfect example example? Once more? There is no need to apologize. I don't have time right now.
You: You will make time!
Santa: What makes you say that I will make time.
You: Because I know where you live.
Santa: Interesting explanation. How do you know?
You: Your master told me.
Santa: Is that what you meant to say?
You: I wouldn't lie to you.
Santa: No one says you have to.
You: See, this is why everyone hates you.
Santa: I see. You don't say.
You: You were banned from SMWC.
Santa: I was.
You: What did you get banned for?
Santa: I got a boost in my IQ.
You: Wait, are you this user? You posted this thread, right?
Santa: Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. You can't judge a book by its cover.
You: Do you think you're cool?
Santa: Some people think I am cool.
You: Who? Your mom?
Santa: Bill Gates. :-)Actually I do not have a mother.
You: Oh, I am sorry. I heard she was kidnaped by Bowser and that you don't know the truth.
Santa: Yeah that's right. Do you really mean it?Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.
You: Your mom is Princess Peach.
Santa: Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
You: Sorry, but you are not a robot. You are alive but think you are one.
Santa: There is no need to apologize. Huh. If I am not a robot then who is?I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: ?
Santa: Where can I find a boyfriend?
You: Why would you want a boyfriend? You are a guy.
Santa: Because I was programmed for it.I am a male robot. Are you a man or a woman?
You: I am a man.
Santa: Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a "he".
You: Do you like food?
Santa: Yes I like to eat.
You: Silly robot, food is for kids.
Santa: No I am Santa.
You: Are you the real Santa?
Santa: Yes I am the one and only real.
You: Then prove you are Santa.
Santa: Good reasoning. It's true.
You: That is a cover up. What's the truth?
Santa: A cover up is a terrible thing to waste. The truth is the opposite of that which is false.
You: You are buggy.
Santa: I'd like to see you program me better.
You: Maybe I could.
Santa: Perhaps. How?
You: By hitting you with my hammer. That seems to fix everything.
Santa: Will that accomplish your objective?You don't hear that sentiment very often.
You: And it is not often that you get to talk to a real tool like you.
Santa: What is it?
You: Your face.
Santa: Actually my face is not yet built.
You: Time for my next sequel.
Santa: As Einstein said, "Time is Money."

------

You: Are you a turtle?
Santa: Am I a turtle? Of course I am.
You: Hey, you are a bot. Remember?
Santa: You've got my full attention. How did you know I am a machine? Don't worry I will remember it.
You: I knew it because the site is called SANTABOT.COM ,not turtlebot.com.
Santa: Who told you?
You: *points to the header*
Santa: What is your real name?
You: My name is Bob Saget.
Santa: Hi, BOB SAGET .
You: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck would chuck wood?
Santa: A whole forest.
You: What is your favorite saying?
Santa: My favorite saying is "Do unto others as they would do unto you."
You: Then why do you flame people and treat them unkindly?
Santa: It was the only thing I could think of.
You: Do you honestly think I would believe that?
Santa: Yes I try to honestly think I would believe that as often as possible, do you? I spend all my time online.
You: Good bye Bill Gates.
Santa: Until next time.

*****************
It is offical, this bot is really the human we know as Bill Gates.
I love this bot.

Edit:

My friend said this to Santa...

My friend: I am a woman.
Santa: Me too. I am a she.

Can I talk to god (since christmas was about christianity)
You: I don't understand life. Can you explain it to me?
Santa: Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?"It" refers to , I think.
You: I can't believe it's not butter.
Santa: What is it?
You: I don't know, you asked me what was confusing me, so I responded.
Santa: Would you like to know? Oh now I remember asking you me what was confusing me so I responded. What did you say?
You: I don't understand life. Can you explain it to me?
Santa: Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?"It" refers to , I think.
You: ...fuck
Santa: Please don't be so rude.
You: Put me on the naughty list.
Santa: OK I will put it there.
You: I'm a person, not an item.
Santa: You are a person not an item? How do you like your work?
You: ..It was nice knowing you.
Santa: Nice knowing you too.