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So, here I stand. I'd say it was a fine day, but we wouldn't know. This secret forum is located far underground, after all. One of only three to be so, to my knowledge. And I damn well know that nobody's getting into the Repository, and the other isn't really to my tastes.
You may be wondering why I'm giving this speech on this rickety scaffold halfway up the side of the dome. Well, it's a long story. As you may or may not know, the dome lies underneath SMWC - to be more precise, we are currently standing directly beneath the exact center of the archived C3 thread from a year or so ago. This forum is nowhere near as remote as that one that lies in constant solitude, or for that matter the Top Secret Area. Although, to be honest, the distant secret forum I cannot speak directly to you of has become almost a ruin lately, since the quality of posts within it has dropped. But looking around here I see something similar has occurred.
I can't remember exactly how long it's been since my last visit to within this subterranean half-sphere. Probably three days or less. But upon my arrival, I see a stack of new threads, filled with spam due to the no-rules nature of this particular forum. Sure, you can claim it's fun, and all, bu I'd rather have this bit of fun myself.
For you see behind me, I have set an unusual device into the side of the dome. This device is the subject of my story. Some may call it the mandatory MacGuffin, but it was only one of the options available to me. I collected it for the hell of it, and when I came here I decided to put it to use - not the other way around. I would very much dislike it if people think I went to a great expense to bring about this specific turn of events.
It all started in the Big City GM a few weeks ago. Messing with the opportunities of a toolgun, I discovered with glee it's ability to create weapons from a catalog for free. Now a toolgun is an untrustworthy piece of kit, Garry having designed it to occasionally break down or ignite. As such, it was with significant caution that I called it to spawn a Redeemer, a community-created hand-held thermonuclear guided missile launcher. Raising the weapon, my first test resulted in disaster. I soon found myself stranded in GM Atomic after too many trials. At that point, I disassembled the launcher, pocketed a pair of missiles, and left for greener pastures.
he story picks up again last week, when I discovered that I could take part in a great game called Trouble in Terrorist Town. After familiarizing myself with the concept and finding the game comparable to Mafia as played here on SMWC, I found myself part of a small elitist group of traitorous terrorists who had an agenda to betray and murder their colleagues. Bemused by the role, I found I could also purchase nefarious equipment that could be useful for chaos and destruction. I obviously went for the item that I thought would do most damage - and soon I possessed a detonator connected to a pack of C4 high explosive. However, throughout the course of my finding my way through the complex arena for our match, the round ended quickly and left me with the C4 unused. I pocketed it in with the rockets, and forgot about it for a few days.
During the buildup to the engineer update, I found myself rapidly crafting my junk together in hope of a golden wrench. During the process of my constructive fever, I pulled the rockets and C4 from my pocket simultaneously by chance and found that they could be crafted - in effect, the C4 was discarded, and instead the detonator was wired into the nuclear rockets themselves. As such, I had a small, portable, powerful terrorist weapon. Nuclear devices are rarely weak, after all. A side effect of the crafting massively lengthened the time on the detonator, but I guess that worked out in my favor as well. being present when a nuclear device detonates is not really a very good idea.
If you haven't guessed by now what this device bolted to the wall of the dome is, I can only hope you stay here while I leave it ticking. For everyone else, here is my plan laid bare; to end the low intelligence infecting this forum permanently with GMod grade nuclear explosives, and perhaps blasting it's secrets into the open if the ground cannot hold. The latter is not my intention, but it may take place if the dome's structure is as weak as I fear. The former is a must.
You can't hide behind the absence of rules. You can't hide behind the absence of anything for that matter, it makes no logical sense. This place needs to be cleansed by nuclear fire and radiation! Nothing else will wipe the stink of page-stretching threads and other such inane spam away. The last time I saw spam of this level of quality, it was in the Advanced Hacking forum mere hours before the entire site would be reset to a backup. At that point, it truly did not matter. But here, we have no doomsday counter, no everyone-is-staff day and no reason to have a forum designated for pure spam. This place has to go.
I apologize in advance if anyone has unfinished business here. I'm sure SNN can finish whatever contest this place was originally designed for, as I'm pretty sure he is capable of braving radiation for the sake of the community - but whether he will is another matter entirely. As for anyone else, I'm sure you will still be able to look, and perhaps learn from your mistakes. But I plan to fill this place with so many alpha and beta particles as well as gamma and delta rays that even the thought of posting here will inflict super cancer upon you.
Well, you've heard my plan. I've already primed the bomb, and I can hit a switch on the casing at any time to have it detonate twenty four hours later. I really would like to arm it now, but then I wouldn't be present in SMWC to feel the ground shake. As such, I'm leaving it here for now. Don't try and remove it, it's got all kinds of safety measures and such that will inflict harm on you if you try and move it while it is set as it is now. And if you manage to get as far as taking it off the wall, it'll detonate. My advice is get the heck outta this forum. I am
going to blow it up, after all.
Who knows, maybe the admins will launch a cleanup operation. They might even step in to disarm my bomb. But I'm going through with the plan, and there's nothing the spammers can do to sway my mind.
I think that covers everything. Any questions? If you're after a tl;dr, go stick your head in a pig. Anyone else, ask away.